A very good book, well written. I really enjoyed it. Coco Chanel was very reminescent of Evita, from her beginnings to how she worked her way up by using men. This book was very informative about the war and very interesting on learning about the characters.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
I deliberatly touched your arm today
when we made eye contact yours were filled with hatred and disgust
the loathing look I returned it with was meant more for myself
how I feel about my actions
not your reactions
I used to think it would make a difference if you knew my family was new to the country
post WWII
that my ancestor didn't take your land by force
but then I realized any immigrants causing populations to grow
diminished your dream of getting your land back
You too have watched it become Walmarts and dumps.
As you walk out the door
your motion smooth and proud
I hope in our next lives fate is kind and makes us possible
when we made eye contact yours were filled with hatred and disgust
the loathing look I returned it with was meant more for myself
how I feel about my actions
not your reactions
I used to think it would make a difference if you knew my family was new to the country
post WWII
that my ancestor didn't take your land by force
but then I realized any immigrants causing populations to grow
diminished your dream of getting your land back
You too have watched it become Walmarts and dumps.
As you walk out the door
your motion smooth and proud
I hope in our next lives fate is kind and makes us possible
Saturday, September 3, 2011
poetry
I saw you yesterday
in the eyes of an unknown window washer as he mischievously peeked into my office
his glance made me numb
now I am obsessed with needing to notify you
I fell in love somewhere between the elevator freshman year and yesterday
with either you or the memories of you I am not sure.
I am old and a married woman now and these thoughts need not concern me, or the woman I have become.
yet my mind keeps returning
you opened up so much of your world to me
did I give anything in return?
will my last thoughts in life be of you and regrets or will I find peace?
in the eyes of an unknown window washer as he mischievously peeked into my office
his glance made me numb
now I am obsessed with needing to notify you
I fell in love somewhere between the elevator freshman year and yesterday
with either you or the memories of you I am not sure.
I am old and a married woman now and these thoughts need not concern me, or the woman I have become.
yet my mind keeps returning
you opened up so much of your world to me
did I give anything in return?
will my last thoughts in life be of you and regrets or will I find peace?
Friday, August 13, 2010
Start a story with the character going through their phone messages and then stops on the third message...
Richard was dozing on the couch when Roberta finally finished creating her geocaching route for the day. "It would go so much faster if I didn't have to solve those mathematical puzzle nightmares" she complained waking Richard with a start. "Are you ready to go? Were you sleeping with your shoes on the davenport? Oh never mind, let's just go before all the good trackables are taken" She threw back the coffee Richie had made her, now cold and slipped on her Crocs.
Backing out of the driveway Roberta realized she had forgotten her route map and scrambled, with all the grace she could muster, out of the smart car. At the front door she spied her keys on the counter in the kitchen. Knowing it was going to be a bad day she decided to plow ahead anyway because she really wanted the geocoin in one of the caches. "Richie dear" she shouted back at the car "could you come open the door for me?"
Richard never dreamed this is what life had in store for him. He fought in Vietnam came back a hero and worked the next thirty years as a General in the Marines. Sure life had thrown him curve balls, he had come back from the war to find his high school sweetheart had married, he had terrible nightmares, but he got on with his life...until last fall. He had met Roberta at a close chess buddy's funeral. He found her lively (which turned to bossy) and interesting, (which became too talkative). Looking back over the last few months he realized he was mostly taken by her vulnerability. She lived in an old farmhouse that was settling back into the earth and needed someone to take care of her. Having just lost his closest friend and having trouble getting used to being simply ordinary he decided to give marriage a try. Now he viewed himself as a blue collar, chauffeuring Roberta from one pine tree to the next so she could dig around for junk. He had to stop his travels after marriage, Roberta was content to stay at home knitting things no one wanted and sending her travel termites, or whatever she called them out into the world. She spent her life with the computer, not him. Not exactly the life he had in mind. He was neither needed nor valued and starved for adventure. Clambering out of the car he unlocked the door and waited while Roberta flitted about the house looking for her lost list. She came bustling back with the list "Oh I hope we make good time, I want to be at the Hamfield Mall before school lets out."
Nearly an hour later and 20 miles down the road Roberta had logged 10 finds, 2 no finds and had exchanged one small cooler full of toys for another full of, well junk. Richard was already exhausted, hot, and hungry, but Roberta was just getting started. While Richard was pulling back onto the road Roberta let out a yelp and tossed a spider out the window. Richard swerved almost clipping a motorcyclist who in turn gave him the finger yelling something about a cod sucker? Odd time to be talking fishing, but Richard let out his frustrations on Roberta, grabbing her list and driving home after throwing it out the window. Roberta sat stunned.
**
Stephen Bale, now known as Edward Stoltzfus, woke when the vehicle turned off the pavement onto a dirt road. It was completely dark when they pulled up to what was to be his home. it looked pretty much as he had planned, a white farm house in the middle of nowhere. "Your nearest neighbors will be the Hochstetlers, who live over there about a mile, you'll see the house in the morning" the deputy searched for something to say. "It won't be an easy life, but disappearing never is...want us to help with your bags or anything?" Stephen now Edward said "nah, but let me make sure this key works 'for you go, I don't want to be sleeping with the neighbors, well not yet at least." "Son" the deputy barked " these are respectable people and that kind of humor will get you in trouble...with me, so I better not hear any complaints about you. Leave them alone and they'll do the same. Goodnight". Before Ed had a chance to put the key in the door the deputy's car had turned around leaving him in the dark. Having been in special ops before this whole deal, he got in the house by punching through the window. Once in he found the place to be empty. Oh, there was a table and some chairs, but the spot where the big screen should be was barren, and there were no lines for the Internet. He figured he would deal with the shock in the morning and headed up the stairs with his two duffles. The only furniture on the second floor was a bed, no sheets, no clocks. This wasn't the Motel 6 or his Grannies house, but he was alive and given a chance to start over with a measly $500 in the bank. He took off his black cowboy boots and fell fitfully asleep on the cold lumpy bed.
**
Roberta decided to give Richard the silent treatment. She was unconcerned about his anger, he was always angry these days, but that list!! It took her all yesterday evening and this morning to compose. Some things were just impossible to replace. she tried to jot down as much as she could remember.
Richard took the opportunity of Roberta's pouting to play solitaire on the computer, it wasn't often he got the computer AND silence. He should learn from their afternoon and reenact it more often, without the motorcyclist of course. In between games an advertisement for a vintage car show came up. He had never really been interested in vintage cars, or any car for that matter, but he thought it sounded like a nice trip. It could be made in a day, but if he played his cards right he could get Roberta to stay at the casino, they showed pictures of a stunning buffet. This afternoon had cleared his head and suddenly he knew what he had to do. If he won the next game he would go by himself and maybe leave her, if he lost he would make her go with him. He lost.
Roberta was just getting ready to give up when Richie started into the kitchen "Listen here Roberta, I married someone to be my companion and not my boss and we are going to go away for the weekend, and we are going to a vintage car show and we are spending the night, maybe two, at the casino and I don't want to hear nothing more about it! I expect you to be packed and ready to go by 9am Friday morning, that gives you three and a half days to get packed and cancel your plans!" He then stood there waiting for the whining, or at least that frowny face that made her look like a troll, but got neither. Finally she found her voice "OK Richie if that's what you want to do, you don't like this treasure hunt stuff much do you?" Feeling himself melting a little he let himself be truthful "I don't much see the point of it! Toting this junk here, moving this crap there, all the while being sneaky- you're not a boy scout Roberta! It's just plain ridiculous!!" She looked like she was going to cry but said "will you make the reservations then?" As he turned to leave she added "You know I just get so fidgety, it gave me something to do, something to look forward to everyday...it was a goal for me. You have all your medals and buddies, but I don't have anything to look back at, no one will remember me..." he didn't respond but cleared his throat and moved out of the room that was now becoming uncomfortable. It wasn't until he got back on the computer that he realised all that just occurred. They had just talked more in the last minute then they had for their entire marriage. Maybe this weekend could be a sort of starting over for them. In fact, he would make reservations for dinner tonight at that little salad place Roberta always mentioned wanting to try. He sat down with a misson and felt a little like his old self.
**
Edward woke with a start a little before dawn. Laying with every muscle tensed he couldn't figure out what had awaken him. There was no way he could have been found that quickly, he was off the grid and had spoke to a single person in the past 24 hours. Then he heard the noise again. It was coming from downstairs, movement, a rustling. Grabbing for his colt, then realizing he didn't have it (part of the relocation agreement) grabbed his boot instead. He could wreck havoc with his steel toed boot if necessary. Ever so slowly he inched off the bed and started down the hall. He heard chatter once he got to the stairs, almost like children's voices. That's just what he needed on his first day of his new life, to strike a child dead with his boot. The chatter didn't start back up, but the movement did. He ever so quietly placed his foot on the first step, which groaned, then the second, which creaked. Cursing he then went for it and slid down the banister to turn and stare straight into the eyes of his attacker. The attacker reared up in surprise alerting the other who appeared by the back door, which was swinging open. Confirming that Edward was not a man to be messed with both raccoons scurried out into the night through the door he evidently never shut completely last night. "Bandits" He grumbled once his heart stopped racing. He decided he was up for the day and might as well start with a cup of coffee. Then he remembered he had no coffee, no coffee pot, and certainly no electricity to plug a pot into. Thinking about how long $500 would last he decided to go to a tourist trap and eat breakfast, after a shower and shave.
Standing in the bedroom going through the clothes he packed, he was told to pack inconspicuous clothing, he couldn't decide between the blue plaid or the t-shirt that read "I'm with stupid". Now that he was here he realized "I'm with stupid" may have been a bad choice. He lugged his black cargo pants and blue plaid around the second floor twice before he decided the bath must be on the first floor. A thorough search through the whole house including the cellar revealed no bathroom. He stood at the back door to relieve himself and decided he too would have to go primitive and use the pump in the kitchen to pump water and heat it on the stove. However, he couldn't find a pot nor a stove. "Welcome to hell" he shouted at the empty wall before going into hysterics, " I should have just let them kill me" he said quieter.
Ten minutes later he was walking up the road in the direction he hoped was town. "Guten Morgen" someone shouted from out of the gloomy dawn. He stopped, but didn't see anyone so began moving again slower and quieter. "What are you on about there sir?" this time he could see a shadow forming and instinctively reached for his empty belt. He was just about to bend down for his boot, thinking how inconvenient this was going to be, when the figure took the shape of a man in a funny hat. "Eh, you must be the neighbor then?! Welcome, Welcome" he said enthusiastically mistaking Steve's maneuver as friendly. "That's quite an interesting shirt you've got on there."
Backing out of the driveway Roberta realized she had forgotten her route map and scrambled, with all the grace she could muster, out of the smart car. At the front door she spied her keys on the counter in the kitchen. Knowing it was going to be a bad day she decided to plow ahead anyway because she really wanted the geocoin in one of the caches. "Richie dear" she shouted back at the car "could you come open the door for me?"
Richard never dreamed this is what life had in store for him. He fought in Vietnam came back a hero and worked the next thirty years as a General in the Marines. Sure life had thrown him curve balls, he had come back from the war to find his high school sweetheart had married, he had terrible nightmares, but he got on with his life...until last fall. He had met Roberta at a close chess buddy's funeral. He found her lively (which turned to bossy) and interesting, (which became too talkative). Looking back over the last few months he realized he was mostly taken by her vulnerability. She lived in an old farmhouse that was settling back into the earth and needed someone to take care of her. Having just lost his closest friend and having trouble getting used to being simply ordinary he decided to give marriage a try. Now he viewed himself as a blue collar, chauffeuring Roberta from one pine tree to the next so she could dig around for junk. He had to stop his travels after marriage, Roberta was content to stay at home knitting things no one wanted and sending her travel termites, or whatever she called them out into the world. She spent her life with the computer, not him. Not exactly the life he had in mind. He was neither needed nor valued and starved for adventure. Clambering out of the car he unlocked the door and waited while Roberta flitted about the house looking for her lost list. She came bustling back with the list "Oh I hope we make good time, I want to be at the Hamfield Mall before school lets out."
Nearly an hour later and 20 miles down the road Roberta had logged 10 finds, 2 no finds and had exchanged one small cooler full of toys for another full of, well junk. Richard was already exhausted, hot, and hungry, but Roberta was just getting started. While Richard was pulling back onto the road Roberta let out a yelp and tossed a spider out the window. Richard swerved almost clipping a motorcyclist who in turn gave him the finger yelling something about a cod sucker? Odd time to be talking fishing, but Richard let out his frustrations on Roberta, grabbing her list and driving home after throwing it out the window. Roberta sat stunned.
**
Stephen Bale, now known as Edward Stoltzfus, woke when the vehicle turned off the pavement onto a dirt road. It was completely dark when they pulled up to what was to be his home. it looked pretty much as he had planned, a white farm house in the middle of nowhere. "Your nearest neighbors will be the Hochstetlers, who live over there about a mile, you'll see the house in the morning" the deputy searched for something to say. "It won't be an easy life, but disappearing never is...want us to help with your bags or anything?" Stephen now Edward said "nah, but let me make sure this key works 'for you go, I don't want to be sleeping with the neighbors, well not yet at least." "Son" the deputy barked " these are respectable people and that kind of humor will get you in trouble...with me, so I better not hear any complaints about you. Leave them alone and they'll do the same. Goodnight". Before Ed had a chance to put the key in the door the deputy's car had turned around leaving him in the dark. Having been in special ops before this whole deal, he got in the house by punching through the window. Once in he found the place to be empty. Oh, there was a table and some chairs, but the spot where the big screen should be was barren, and there were no lines for the Internet. He figured he would deal with the shock in the morning and headed up the stairs with his two duffles. The only furniture on the second floor was a bed, no sheets, no clocks. This wasn't the Motel 6 or his Grannies house, but he was alive and given a chance to start over with a measly $500 in the bank. He took off his black cowboy boots and fell fitfully asleep on the cold lumpy bed.
**
Roberta decided to give Richard the silent treatment. She was unconcerned about his anger, he was always angry these days, but that list!! It took her all yesterday evening and this morning to compose. Some things were just impossible to replace. she tried to jot down as much as she could remember.
Richard took the opportunity of Roberta's pouting to play solitaire on the computer, it wasn't often he got the computer AND silence. He should learn from their afternoon and reenact it more often, without the motorcyclist of course. In between games an advertisement for a vintage car show came up. He had never really been interested in vintage cars, or any car for that matter, but he thought it sounded like a nice trip. It could be made in a day, but if he played his cards right he could get Roberta to stay at the casino, they showed pictures of a stunning buffet. This afternoon had cleared his head and suddenly he knew what he had to do. If he won the next game he would go by himself and maybe leave her, if he lost he would make her go with him. He lost.
Roberta was just getting ready to give up when Richie started into the kitchen "Listen here Roberta, I married someone to be my companion and not my boss and we are going to go away for the weekend, and we are going to a vintage car show and we are spending the night, maybe two, at the casino and I don't want to hear nothing more about it! I expect you to be packed and ready to go by 9am Friday morning, that gives you three and a half days to get packed and cancel your plans!" He then stood there waiting for the whining, or at least that frowny face that made her look like a troll, but got neither. Finally she found her voice "OK Richie if that's what you want to do, you don't like this treasure hunt stuff much do you?" Feeling himself melting a little he let himself be truthful "I don't much see the point of it! Toting this junk here, moving this crap there, all the while being sneaky- you're not a boy scout Roberta! It's just plain ridiculous!!" She looked like she was going to cry but said "will you make the reservations then?" As he turned to leave she added "You know I just get so fidgety, it gave me something to do, something to look forward to everyday...it was a goal for me. You have all your medals and buddies, but I don't have anything to look back at, no one will remember me..." he didn't respond but cleared his throat and moved out of the room that was now becoming uncomfortable. It wasn't until he got back on the computer that he realised all that just occurred. They had just talked more in the last minute then they had for their entire marriage. Maybe this weekend could be a sort of starting over for them. In fact, he would make reservations for dinner tonight at that little salad place Roberta always mentioned wanting to try. He sat down with a misson and felt a little like his old self.
**
Edward woke with a start a little before dawn. Laying with every muscle tensed he couldn't figure out what had awaken him. There was no way he could have been found that quickly, he was off the grid and had spoke to a single person in the past 24 hours. Then he heard the noise again. It was coming from downstairs, movement, a rustling. Grabbing for his colt, then realizing he didn't have it (part of the relocation agreement) grabbed his boot instead. He could wreck havoc with his steel toed boot if necessary. Ever so slowly he inched off the bed and started down the hall. He heard chatter once he got to the stairs, almost like children's voices. That's just what he needed on his first day of his new life, to strike a child dead with his boot. The chatter didn't start back up, but the movement did. He ever so quietly placed his foot on the first step, which groaned, then the second, which creaked. Cursing he then went for it and slid down the banister to turn and stare straight into the eyes of his attacker. The attacker reared up in surprise alerting the other who appeared by the back door, which was swinging open. Confirming that Edward was not a man to be messed with both raccoons scurried out into the night through the door he evidently never shut completely last night. "Bandits" He grumbled once his heart stopped racing. He decided he was up for the day and might as well start with a cup of coffee. Then he remembered he had no coffee, no coffee pot, and certainly no electricity to plug a pot into. Thinking about how long $500 would last he decided to go to a tourist trap and eat breakfast, after a shower and shave.
Standing in the bedroom going through the clothes he packed, he was told to pack inconspicuous clothing, he couldn't decide between the blue plaid or the t-shirt that read "I'm with stupid". Now that he was here he realized "I'm with stupid" may have been a bad choice. He lugged his black cargo pants and blue plaid around the second floor twice before he decided the bath must be on the first floor. A thorough search through the whole house including the cellar revealed no bathroom. He stood at the back door to relieve himself and decided he too would have to go primitive and use the pump in the kitchen to pump water and heat it on the stove. However, he couldn't find a pot nor a stove. "Welcome to hell" he shouted at the empty wall before going into hysterics, " I should have just let them kill me" he said quieter.
Ten minutes later he was walking up the road in the direction he hoped was town. "Guten Morgen" someone shouted from out of the gloomy dawn. He stopped, but didn't see anyone so began moving again slower and quieter. "What are you on about there sir?" this time he could see a shadow forming and instinctively reached for his empty belt. He was just about to bend down for his boot, thinking how inconvenient this was going to be, when the figure took the shape of a man in a funny hat. "Eh, you must be the neighbor then?! Welcome, Welcome" he said enthusiastically mistaking Steve's maneuver as friendly. "That's quite an interesting shirt you've got on there."
Write an excuse for not working today.
Most Horribly Sorry By: Curlyfro
To whom it may concern,
I am most terribly sorry but I will not be coming to work today. I lost a tooth, and not just any tooth, but the top front one, while eating corn on the cob last night at my niece's birthday party, and then promptly swallowed it. The Dentist told me I must find it in order to fix this gap that my tongue keeps flicking out of (spraying people, it is simply dreadful). Since my teeth are so large and stained, you know I was down to five cups of coffee a day, he is insisting he must have the original tooth. I would love to make up my hours at another time, possibly after the big project is completed, approved, and implemented and will be smiling in no time. The dentist claims no one will ever know my tooth had fallen out, so if you can't tell, that is why! What technology and a wonderful dentist can do!
P.S. Please don't call, I won't be available to pick up the phone since I will be playing archaeologist and if you drop by I will expect you to at least help in the big dig!
"Good Morning this is Sharon." the voice said at the other end of the phone.
"Hello, Good Morning this is aaah Peggy. I will..."
"Our office hours are 8:30 am. until 5:30 pm weekdays and we are closed on weekends." the answering machine continued. "Please call back during office hours. Thank you for calling." Followed by the dial tone.
"Oh shoot I finally got up enough nerve and then no one answers. It's eight forty-five someone should be there by now. Sharon why aren't you there? Why isn't someone there? I couldn't sleep last night worrying how I was going to deliver this so it sounded real. Oh this waiting is killing me. It's shredding my confidence."
"I should just go into work. This isn't worth it. I could lose my job from lying. What if someone calls me later today to check on me. OMG I feel like I'm getting sick. I can't get sick I promised Aunt Susie I would go to that awesome, three day flea market with her in Indiana. Okay, okay calm down...I can do this. I've got time I must pull myself together. Just review the excuse and make it sound believable."
"What time is it? What... it's still eight forty-five? It can't be...hasn't it been at least ten minutes ago when I last looked at the clock? OMG I'm talking to myself. I've become a raving maniac."
"Just take a sip of tea. It will calm your nerves. That's what chai always does for you. Now breathe in slowly and release. One more time, breathe in anndd release. Just remember to stop with the first lie. Don't keep adding things to make it believable. Just S T O P talking and you will be fine."
"I'm ready, I can do this."
"Come on fingers please do this for me. I promise I will take you to Fashion Nails for a manicure next payday, I promise!"
"It's ringing.....two rings....please, please....three!"
"Good morning this is Lyer, Fibbs, & Purjur Law office, this is Sharon speaking how may I direct your call? Sharon addressed the phone very pleasant and professional.
"Hey there Sharon this is Peggy. (Crap, I must sound ill...not chipper....stupid, stupid,stupid you're going to ruin this.")
"Hello, I'm sorry I didn't hear you, we must have a bad connection. Would you please repeat your name?" Sharon apologized.
("Oh Sharon you are a dream come true.") "Hi Sharon this is Peg gee. I had a horrible accident and can't make it to work. I must have several x-rays done today with lab work and tests; who knows how long that will take but hopefully I will be better on Monday and if not I will call you if I'm able. See I was doing the wash last night with an old wringer washer and I put too much in the rollers, the top popped off from the clogged towels and when I pushed the top back down I must have been standing too close and got my...well I'm not sure how to tell you but one of my right ones... well I only have one right one but it got caught in the wringer and the top wouldn't pop and just kept taking me in all the way up to my underarm. I had to yank the plug on the washer out of the wall with my foot to stop it. Oh and since I wear an underwire the wire got caught in the roller mechanism which caused it to break in two under my right boob which punctured it. Not the roller or my breast...it punctured my bra. I noticed this morning that it still hasn't gone back to it's normal shape, no not the roller or the bra but my boob. It's as flat as a blueberry pancake from all the bruising and hangs to my belly button. I also noticed when I took my shower this morning there appears to be a lump in between my two girls. Yes I call them my girls. Their names are Bobbi and Swayin. I think maybe the roller pushed some of my right one up there in the middle. I don't know how to gather my right one up to put it in my bra, should I roll it on a crayon or start with my bra at my waist and try to bunch it up. And then what do I do with the middle one? Do you think a sports bra would be able to handle it? Sharon are you there? Are those voices I hear? OMG you didn't! Please tell me you didn't?"
A chorus of voices said, "Oh Peggy....get well soon. We can't wait to see you and the triplets on Monday." Which was followed by earsplitting laughter.
To whom it may concern,
I am most terribly sorry but I will not be coming to work today. I lost a tooth, and not just any tooth, but the top front one, while eating corn on the cob last night at my niece's birthday party, and then promptly swallowed it. The Dentist told me I must find it in order to fix this gap that my tongue keeps flicking out of (spraying people, it is simply dreadful). Since my teeth are so large and stained, you know I was down to five cups of coffee a day, he is insisting he must have the original tooth. I would love to make up my hours at another time, possibly after the big project is completed, approved, and implemented and will be smiling in no time. The dentist claims no one will ever know my tooth had fallen out, so if you can't tell, that is why! What technology and a wonderful dentist can do!
P.S. Please don't call, I won't be available to pick up the phone since I will be playing archaeologist and if you drop by I will expect you to at least help in the big dig!
SO WHERE IS PEGGY? BY LAMOMMASITA
"Hello, Good Morning this is aaah Peggy. I will..."
"Our office hours are 8:30 am. until 5:30 pm weekdays and we are closed on weekends." the answering machine continued. "Please call back during office hours. Thank you for calling." Followed by the dial tone.
"Oh shoot I finally got up enough nerve and then no one answers. It's eight forty-five someone should be there by now. Sharon why aren't you there? Why isn't someone there? I couldn't sleep last night worrying how I was going to deliver this so it sounded real. Oh this waiting is killing me. It's shredding my confidence."
"I should just go into work. This isn't worth it. I could lose my job from lying. What if someone calls me later today to check on me. OMG I feel like I'm getting sick. I can't get sick I promised Aunt Susie I would go to that awesome, three day flea market with her in Indiana. Okay, okay calm down...I can do this. I've got time I must pull myself together. Just review the excuse and make it sound believable."
"What time is it? What... it's still eight forty-five? It can't be...hasn't it been at least ten minutes ago when I last looked at the clock? OMG I'm talking to myself. I've become a raving maniac."
"Just take a sip of tea. It will calm your nerves. That's what chai always does for you. Now breathe in slowly and release. One more time, breathe in anndd release. Just remember to stop with the first lie. Don't keep adding things to make it believable. Just S T O P talking and you will be fine."
"I'm ready, I can do this."
"Come on fingers please do this for me. I promise I will take you to Fashion Nails for a manicure next payday, I promise!"
"It's ringing.....two rings....please, please....three!"
"Good morning this is Lyer, Fibbs, & Purjur Law office, this is Sharon speaking how may I direct your call? Sharon addressed the phone very pleasant and professional.
"Hey there Sharon this is Peggy. (Crap, I must sound ill...not chipper....stupid, stupid,stupid you're going to ruin this.")
"Hello, I'm sorry I didn't hear you, we must have a bad connection. Would you please repeat your name?" Sharon apologized.
("Oh Sharon you are a dream come true.") "Hi Sharon this is Peg gee. I had a horrible accident and can't make it to work. I must have several x-rays done today with lab work and tests; who knows how long that will take but hopefully I will be better on Monday and if not I will call you if I'm able. See I was doing the wash last night with an old wringer washer and I put too much in the rollers, the top popped off from the clogged towels and when I pushed the top back down I must have been standing too close and got my...well I'm not sure how to tell you but one of my right ones... well I only have one right one but it got caught in the wringer and the top wouldn't pop and just kept taking me in all the way up to my underarm. I had to yank the plug on the washer out of the wall with my foot to stop it. Oh and since I wear an underwire the wire got caught in the roller mechanism which caused it to break in two under my right boob which punctured it. Not the roller or my breast...it punctured my bra. I noticed this morning that it still hasn't gone back to it's normal shape, no not the roller or the bra but my boob. It's as flat as a blueberry pancake from all the bruising and hangs to my belly button. I also noticed when I took my shower this morning there appears to be a lump in between my two girls. Yes I call them my girls. Their names are Bobbi and Swayin. I think maybe the roller pushed some of my right one up there in the middle. I don't know how to gather my right one up to put it in my bra, should I roll it on a crayon or start with my bra at my waist and try to bunch it up. And then what do I do with the middle one? Do you think a sports bra would be able to handle it? Sharon are you there? Are those voices I hear? OMG you didn't! Please tell me you didn't?"
A chorus of voices said, "Oh Peggy....get well soon. We can't wait to see you and the triplets on Monday." Which was followed by earsplitting laughter.
Rewrite Snow White from Bashful, one of the seven dwarves' perspective
Fairytale Ending By Curlyfro
"Wowsers" Bashful thought as all seven dwarfs stood at the end of their California king size bed. She could be the fairest in the land, even if she was at the moment drooling on his pillow. Sleepy had found her when he went to take his 5:30 nap and was in the process of climbing up with her to fall asleep as well. Grumpy on the other hand was already pissing and moaning about the dirt she had clobbered off her shoes and left all over the house. "And look at her blasted dress!" he exclaimed making her stir. Happy informed them that it was "just leaves and grass, it'l warsh right off!" just then Sneezy coughed, startling the girl awake. Mistaking the seven little men for goblins, which happened frequently, she screamed. Happy was left to get the explanation on why she had wandered into their house and was sleeping on their bed as the others filed out of the room. All but Sleepy of course, who had already fallen asleep.
Around the kitchen table Bashful talked about how the same thing had happened last week to those three bears that lived in Timberland. "I heard she slept with all three bears!" he whispered while rubbing his hands together. "She was drooling on my pillow, so that means she likes me most!" Sneezy was downing his fourth bottle of wild turkey while thinking what a stroke of luck it was to have a woman in the house, she could keep his liqueur cabinet stocked and cook, wash the dishes, wash the clothes, and roll his smokes. With that he burped, then hiccuped twice and fell off the chair. Grumpy caught the bottle before it hit the floor and ranted about what filthy slobs his brothers were. Doc suddenly came to the conclusion that they could hold her for ransom and use the money to...and there he paused and looked around worriedly. "Use it at horse track?" Dopey inquired innocently before going into a sneezing fit and rubbing his eyes. As if called, Tucker, their long haired tom cat, hoped into Dopey's lap sending him into another sneezing fit. Bashful had slipped to his anatomy book collection and went straight to the well thumbed page. "Wowsers" he mumbled again thinking the penny he had thrown into the town fountain every week since he was 15 had finally paid off. He must have become handsome overnight to win such a prize!
Ten minutes later Bashful leaped up and scurried to the bedroom. "Happy, let's make her feel at home and have her take a shower, she can borrow some of my pajamas, and we'll wash her clothes, I can wash her hair, powder her back and shave her legs!" Snow White, as Happy had learned her name, looked appallingly at Bashful and claimed she really must be off. "Oh no ya don't my sweet!" Happy now declared louder than necessary since his medication was wearing off. "You'll be working off the damage ye done to our house in our absence!" Snow White was oblivious to what damage she had done, seeing that she had just come in to get warm and take a nap. Bashful returned with his footie pajamas and escorted Snow White into the bathroom. After 10 minutes of screaming and thrashing bashful scrambled out with a black eye and decided he would be armed with Happy's medication when he met her in the morning.
So began Snow White's imprisonment with the seven dwarfs. Occasionally in the next four months one of the Dwarfs would see something on America's most wanted about an elderly lady, who looked a lot like Cruella De Vil, wanted for the murder of a Snow White whose picture would then flash up on the screen. Or there would be an article on the online news about a body found that was claimed to be Snow White's. Doc spent most of his days scheming on how to get the most cold hard cash out of Snow White. He already had her making toys for Santa's elves on the black market in between making calls for telemarketing. She hadn't quite gotten the accent down, but she was bringing in enough to support both Sneezy and Doc's addictions. It was around this time that Dopey and Happy were getting prescriptions filled, for Benadryl and Zoloft (Happy didn't know how his bottle was always empty these days) that Grumpy had seen the most perfect red apples and grabbed one while paying for the prescriptions. When asked what they were for Grumpy had cheerily replied with "an apple a day keeps the doc away!". Doc was by far the dirtiest brother and since his gambling debt was paid off and he didn't have to fear debt collectors, he was spending more time at home on the computer playing online poker.
Grumpy's good mood lasted exactly 14 minutes, until he got home and found Snow White sick in the bathroom. When questioned how long she had been sick Bashful claimed ignorance, but everyone could see, well except for Sleepy who didn't see much beyond his eyelids, she had been gaining weight. The thought of little ones messing up the house was the last straw for Grumpy. He simply packed a bag and left. Surprisingly Doc followed him out the door shortly after he printed something from the Internet.
Doc waited until Grumpy got into town to pull him into the bar and explain his scheme. Doc had been researching surrogate mothers and planned to have Snow White bring in a little more income. They both went home happy once again, until they found Snow White out cold in the kitchen. Each brother had a different fear going through his head. Bashful thought he had overdosed her on Zoloft and was toying with the idea of calling a taxadermist. Dopey thought maybe she was allergic to the cat and finally her heart gave out. Sneezy assumed she had been trying out his beverages and had liver failure. Happy thought she had committed suicide and Doc thought she was just trying to get out of work. Grumpy was the only one who noticed the apple he had bought earlier under the cabinet with a bite out of it.
Summer turned to winter when finally Bashful declared he thought Snow White needed the midwife. The midwife was sent for and another unknown guest arrived bringing a bassinet. The baby was born uneventfully for all but the scheming pair, who were counting their coins. The baby was cleaned up and the guest was handed her purchase, but surprised them all by asking to stay the night. She claimed she couldn't start out into the cold night with such a new baby. Grumbling, the dwarfs agreed but charged her an outrageous price for the one bed.
Snow White had been unconscious on the bedroom floor since the apple incident and everyone but Bashful thought it was time to get rid of the body, so the next day she was going to be dumped in the woods. Wouldn't you know it, the guest was the Queen, now really the fariest of them all since Snow White had gained weight and was now addicted to Zoloft, whose side effects may include diarea, insomnia, and nausea. The Queen woke Snow White up with some spirit of hartshorn, which could be fatal if used for prolonged periods, and they snuck off into the night. Snow White thinking she was escaping, the Queen thinking free LEGAL labor! Two months down the road we will find Snow White, going by the name Cinderella, with bleached hair and glass slippers going to a ball.
"Wowsers" Bashful thought as all seven dwarfs stood at the end of their California king size bed. She could be the fairest in the land, even if she was at the moment drooling on his pillow. Sleepy had found her when he went to take his 5:30 nap and was in the process of climbing up with her to fall asleep as well. Grumpy on the other hand was already pissing and moaning about the dirt she had clobbered off her shoes and left all over the house. "And look at her blasted dress!" he exclaimed making her stir. Happy informed them that it was "just leaves and grass, it'l warsh right off!" just then Sneezy coughed, startling the girl awake. Mistaking the seven little men for goblins, which happened frequently, she screamed. Happy was left to get the explanation on why she had wandered into their house and was sleeping on their bed as the others filed out of the room. All but Sleepy of course, who had already fallen asleep.
Around the kitchen table Bashful talked about how the same thing had happened last week to those three bears that lived in Timberland. "I heard she slept with all three bears!" he whispered while rubbing his hands together. "She was drooling on my pillow, so that means she likes me most!" Sneezy was downing his fourth bottle of wild turkey while thinking what a stroke of luck it was to have a woman in the house, she could keep his liqueur cabinet stocked and cook, wash the dishes, wash the clothes, and roll his smokes. With that he burped, then hiccuped twice and fell off the chair. Grumpy caught the bottle before it hit the floor and ranted about what filthy slobs his brothers were. Doc suddenly came to the conclusion that they could hold her for ransom and use the money to...and there he paused and looked around worriedly. "Use it at horse track?" Dopey inquired innocently before going into a sneezing fit and rubbing his eyes. As if called, Tucker, their long haired tom cat, hoped into Dopey's lap sending him into another sneezing fit. Bashful had slipped to his anatomy book collection and went straight to the well thumbed page. "Wowsers" he mumbled again thinking the penny he had thrown into the town fountain every week since he was 15 had finally paid off. He must have become handsome overnight to win such a prize!
Ten minutes later Bashful leaped up and scurried to the bedroom. "Happy, let's make her feel at home and have her take a shower, she can borrow some of my pajamas, and we'll wash her clothes, I can wash her hair, powder her back and shave her legs!" Snow White, as Happy had learned her name, looked appallingly at Bashful and claimed she really must be off. "Oh no ya don't my sweet!" Happy now declared louder than necessary since his medication was wearing off. "You'll be working off the damage ye done to our house in our absence!" Snow White was oblivious to what damage she had done, seeing that she had just come in to get warm and take a nap. Bashful returned with his footie pajamas and escorted Snow White into the bathroom. After 10 minutes of screaming and thrashing bashful scrambled out with a black eye and decided he would be armed with Happy's medication when he met her in the morning.
So began Snow White's imprisonment with the seven dwarfs. Occasionally in the next four months one of the Dwarfs would see something on America's most wanted about an elderly lady, who looked a lot like Cruella De Vil, wanted for the murder of a Snow White whose picture would then flash up on the screen. Or there would be an article on the online news about a body found that was claimed to be Snow White's. Doc spent most of his days scheming on how to get the most cold hard cash out of Snow White. He already had her making toys for Santa's elves on the black market in between making calls for telemarketing. She hadn't quite gotten the accent down, but she was bringing in enough to support both Sneezy and Doc's addictions. It was around this time that Dopey and Happy were getting prescriptions filled, for Benadryl and Zoloft (Happy didn't know how his bottle was always empty these days) that Grumpy had seen the most perfect red apples and grabbed one while paying for the prescriptions. When asked what they were for Grumpy had cheerily replied with "an apple a day keeps the doc away!". Doc was by far the dirtiest brother and since his gambling debt was paid off and he didn't have to fear debt collectors, he was spending more time at home on the computer playing online poker.
Grumpy's good mood lasted exactly 14 minutes, until he got home and found Snow White sick in the bathroom. When questioned how long she had been sick Bashful claimed ignorance, but everyone could see, well except for Sleepy who didn't see much beyond his eyelids, she had been gaining weight. The thought of little ones messing up the house was the last straw for Grumpy. He simply packed a bag and left. Surprisingly Doc followed him out the door shortly after he printed something from the Internet.
Doc waited until Grumpy got into town to pull him into the bar and explain his scheme. Doc had been researching surrogate mothers and planned to have Snow White bring in a little more income. They both went home happy once again, until they found Snow White out cold in the kitchen. Each brother had a different fear going through his head. Bashful thought he had overdosed her on Zoloft and was toying with the idea of calling a taxadermist. Dopey thought maybe she was allergic to the cat and finally her heart gave out. Sneezy assumed she had been trying out his beverages and had liver failure. Happy thought she had committed suicide and Doc thought she was just trying to get out of work. Grumpy was the only one who noticed the apple he had bought earlier under the cabinet with a bite out of it.
Summer turned to winter when finally Bashful declared he thought Snow White needed the midwife. The midwife was sent for and another unknown guest arrived bringing a bassinet. The baby was born uneventfully for all but the scheming pair, who were counting their coins. The baby was cleaned up and the guest was handed her purchase, but surprised them all by asking to stay the night. She claimed she couldn't start out into the cold night with such a new baby. Grumbling, the dwarfs agreed but charged her an outrageous price for the one bed.
Snow White had been unconscious on the bedroom floor since the apple incident and everyone but Bashful thought it was time to get rid of the body, so the next day she was going to be dumped in the woods. Wouldn't you know it, the guest was the Queen, now really the fariest of them all since Snow White had gained weight and was now addicted to Zoloft, whose side effects may include diarea, insomnia, and nausea. The Queen woke Snow White up with some spirit of hartshorn, which could be fatal if used for prolonged periods, and they snuck off into the night. Snow White thinking she was escaping, the Queen thinking free LEGAL labor! Two months down the road we will find Snow White, going by the name Cinderella, with bleached hair and glass slippers going to a ball.
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