Wilted Love By Curlyfro2
MARTY
So there she was, hanging out with Larry... Again. I swear she hung on his every word, batting her eyelashes like in the movies. I need him around like a chicken needs a flag, talk about a hindrance! He wasn't even witty. I thought girls like totally dug humor.
It seems like they have always been together. They live in the same area, see the same people day in and day out and never seem to get out anywhere else. I haven't actually been able to speak to her, but I know I have caught her eye a few times. At least when she sneaks a peek at the "cabbage patch" as Larry the lard ball calls it, I assume she looks for me. Why would she fall for me? Larry probably lies awake at night wondering. Well I am quite muscular and well....look at my curly locks, what's NOT to like! Next to her Larry looked like a...well...like a rotten tomato.
If she only knew how lonely it is having no parents, no siblings, no one to talk to about my feelings. Aren't women suppose to dig that stuff? Damsel in distress, blahh, that's so yesterday. Give them a man to take care of and make happy, they'll do back flips to fill the position. Well at least it is getting dark now so I won't have to watch them for too much longer. Look at them, getting all cozy like they are going to watch a movie. So gross it makes me queasy. I guess I will do without the compost tea martinis I was looking forward to tonight. GRRR...
POPPINS
Gee Whiz! Does it get any better than this? This morning Larry stopped by claiming he was "in the area" and if I wanted to walk Green Belly (his tomato worm) with him? Of course I had been primping all morning trying to hide my brown spots under concealer (it rained yesterday and before I was able to dry off, I got burned). Larry was kind enough to not mention it, though I caught him staring. Instead of walking Green Belly we sat in the shade and talked about our plans for the future. Larry thinks one day he will work for Heinz, which annoyed me. It's like slavery there. No one ever comes back, the family just gets a check in the mail, no letters, no Christmas cards. They can't even spell catsup. "Who wants to work for a place that can't spell catsup?" I asked him and he got all quiet. "What do you think is in all those bottles?" he asked. "Ouch!" I yelped, Green Belly had started chewing on my brown spots. He has never bit anyone before! Larry offered to take him home and we didn't speak anymore on Heinz. When we got back to his "plant"as he calls it, (I assume because his parents keep having children) he kissed me! Thinking back on it, it was sort of lousy, but a first kiss, how perfectly lovely! We then sat and watched the sun go down (I got a few more kisses which were much better) until I heard what I thought was thunder. My first thought was that I was going to look like grandmother by tomorrow morning with all the brown spots on my skin. Larry said it was nothing to be worried about, it was coming from the cabbage patch. I thought nothing more of it and fell asleep thinking about my Prince Charming.
MARTY
Another wonderful day. Woke up to see a billboard on Larry's "plant" stating "LARRY POPPINS FOREVER. Very clever if you're into nursery rhymes...and like... six. That medicine didn't settle like sugar with me, if you know what I mean. So when I saw Squirrely Sue hiding sunflower seeds nearby I asked her to take him out. Squirrely's not real bright to start with, last year she forgot about the acorns she "planted" and there are several trees sprouting haphazardly in the garden. So you know I was desperate employing her. Anyway, she tells me she has acid issues and can't handle tomatoes. The nerve. Unable to turn around I got to stare at that damn banner all day. But I plotted, oh yes. I plotted.
POPPINS
Oh!! I am so happy! We're getting married! I heard that thunder again all day, but now that I have a man I am not worried about the weather, I can let myself go. He's stuck with me now! giggle giggle. Now I must plan the nursery and pick out baby names and figure out how to get air conditioning and...
MARTY
Late Afternoon I finally got Tyson to come over. I flapped my arms for probably an hour before I caught his eye. Sometimes I think I am the only one in the whole wide garden that has any brains. So he comes over clucking like there's a fire in the hen house. "Discretion just flew out the window" I mumbled. I let him take a few chunks out of my arms before I casually mentioned there was a fat, juicy tomato worm over by that white flag-like thing, then I explained that the Beef Steak was no Richard Simmons himself. I prepared to sit back and watch the proceedings. What I would give for some popcorn right now, I settled for some sunflower seeds thinking if only Squirrely Sue had better taste.
POPPINS
I was on my way over to Larry's, we were planning music for the ceremony. I needed to talk him out of the McDonald's Big Mac song and was going to suggest something like The Safety Dance or Electric Avenue. I noticed the thunder had finally stopped. Our wedding day was going to be glorious, nothing but blue skies. My brown spots were growing at an alarming pace and I wondered if that was why Larry wanted to marry me so quickly, so our wedding pictures wouldn't portray me as a monster. I was beginning to smell a little ripe as well, I'd have to see if Larry will walk me to the herb garden to get some lavender. When I got to his place Green Belly lunged at me and then out of nowhere there was a chicken and...
MARTY
Holy @&%#*
That went all wrong. ALL WRONG. The only positive outcome was that she didn't suffer. She didn't have to see her loser Larry run off screaming like a little girl. He hasn't come back, word is he went off to work at Heinz. Who's the chicken now?
I am stuck here with my guilt until Tyson brings his brood over to finish the last assignment from me. I guess a chicken doesn't need a flag, they couldn't get it right regardless.
Do You Want Lettuce and Tomato with That? By Lamommasita
There was a large farm in the Midwest that had the richest, darkest, and most nutritious soil in the area. On this farm the best organic vegetables in the country were grown. Since no chemicals were used on the carrots, lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes, celery, beets, or radishes, there was a unique system used to fight pests.
Meet Sergent Leghorn, he was a very disciplined rooster that took his mission seriously. Sgt Leghorn was the strongest, largest, and loudest crowing rooster in those parts of the Midwest. During the winter months he trained his new recruits for their jobs in the summer. The young chickens learned all about the different bugs, worms, and moths as well as what they did to each plant. They learned all about the vegetables and learned how to protect each seedling. Not only would they rid the insects from the tender plants, but they would also cultivate the soil by scratching around each stem. This practice kept the dirt lose, which allowed the free movement of air and rain into the soil for the healthiest root system. They knew healthy roots made an extra healthy plant.
Finally the day arrived...the month of May brought the new seedlings through the rich soil with the warming sunshine and the soft spring rains rinsed the dirt from their tender leaves. Sgt. Leghorn stood on the highest fence post and crowed once. The young chicks ran to their positions. Like a chicken needs a flag to demand attention, Sgt Leghorn flapped his mighty wings and left out the most robust crow the young'ns had ever heard. They all knew their training was being tested on this morning and they better do their best. Off went the chicks to their jobs. The young plants were thrilled to have the pests removed from their tender leaves and the soil tilled around their delicate stems. The chicks were happy to have fresh bugs to eat instead of the same old mash they had during the winter months. What a great way to start the day with juicy appetizers to give them energy to work from sun up to sun down.
In one section of the huge field, the first row of tomatoes were next to the last row of lettuce. Usually this didn't happen on the farm, but this year the farmer was trying something new. A fence row had been removed between the two fields so the rich soil could be used for something productive. The fence had always been covered with weeds, which brought pests. That was a negative factor this farm could do without.
A month had passed and everything was wonderful on the farm. It was like paradise on earth. Sgt. Leghorn was pleased with his recruits and the recruits loved the fresh supplements and the exercise in the sun. The pest population was under control and the vegetables were free from biting bugs and worms. Everyone was smiling and happy...except for the first row of tomatoes.
The tomatoes were appalled! How dare they be planted next to such lowly plants. For heaven sakes they were TOMATOES! They had famous ancestors that gave their name pride and demanded respect. There was their great, great, great, great uncle who's fame came from being the winner of a photo shoot for the mega giant canning company. His face, or maybe his side, or... it could have been his behind, it's hard to tell when a tomato has his eyes closed, had been on the catsup bottle for five years. Then their great, great, great...you get the idea...Grannie was credited with the delectable dish known as Green Fried Tomatoes. She had rolled accidentally off the kitchen window ledge into a bowl of batter one breezy June day. She was a terrible swimmer, so when she reached out to save herself she felt the wooden spoon and shimmed up it. Well her eyes still had batter in them and she didn't know when to stop shimming. Grannie accidentally fell and this time into a hot frying pan. The rest is history. Anyhow, how could such name worthy plants be expected to have neighbors that were supposed to be on the other side of the fence. After all, the only thing lettuce was good for was rabbit fodder! The tomatoes were rude to the lettuce and turned all the maturing family members toward the row of tomatoes on the other side. They wanted them to associate with their own kind and learn the better things in life.
The last row of lettuce seriously didn't understand the cold shoulder treatment the tomatoes were displaying. They were growing where they were planted and wanted to be good to each other and their neighbors. Yes, they could hear the chatter the tomatoes were saying to each other about having "famous" ancestors. The lettuce respected them, but that was all in the past...this was the here and now. If anyone should be upset it really should have been the last row of lettuce. The only sunlight they got was in the morning hours. As the summer grew longer and the first row of tomatoes grew taller, they shaded the lettuce most of the afternoon. they also didn't get the rain they deserved since the tomatoes' root system was much larger than theirs. Some of the tomatoes' roots had grown in to the lettuces' row crowding our their delicate roots. To compensate, the lettuce learned to stretch out their ruffled leaves as tall as they could to catch all the sun rays in the morning and the dew overnight so they could store their much needed nutrients.
In the middle of the First Row was a new young tomato developing. He was still green behind the ears and hadn't been forced to move to the other side of the stem yet. His name was Peter and he spent most of his day just swinging on the vine by his little dark green cap. He didn't have a care in the world. He enjoyed watching the chickens at work, Sgt Leghorn's stately appearance on the tall fence post, the blue skies, the birds, and the pretty plants in front of him. Sometimes his thoughts would be interrupted by his older sisters and brothers talking with his parents about the disgusting lettuce, whatever that was! Their voices would sometimes become very loud and would frighten him. Then he would focus on the pretty ruffled leaves and enjoyed their calm ways.
Peter was also being watched by Pepper. She was a member of the Last Row and wondered if she would ever get tall enough to have a swing like her neighbor. One day Peter saw something wave in his direction. He looked around him and realized the wave was meant for him. "Hi" was the next thing he heard, so he waved back. Peter was a bit shy but was so excited that finally he had someone to talk with on these long days.
"What's your name?" he asked the pretty ruffled leaf.
"Oh my name is Pepper Bibb" she replied. "What's yours?"
"My name is Peter Big Boy!" Peter said with pride. Pepper burst into laughter and this made Peter cover himself with a near-by leaf.
"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you, please don't hide" she begged. "It's just that you haven't grown into your given name."
Peter came out from the leaf and smiled.And so their friendship began. They would spend their days talking about the things Peter could see since he was so tall. They told each other what they wanted to be when they reached their full potential. They would visit with the chickens and thank them everyday for their hard work and dedication to keeping them healthy. They had a wonderful time and looked forward to Sgt Leghorn's crow every morning. Even on rainy days they would still be together all day visiting.
One day Sgt Leghorn crowed the loudest anyone had every heard him crow and there was panic in his voice. He also had done this in the middle of a hot afternoon which had never happened before either. The recruits ran past Pepper and Peter, and when Peter asked what was going on one worried chick could only answer that he couldn't talk! Well, they didn't have to wait long to figure out that the panic was an approaching severe thunderstorm. The wind started blowing harder than they had ever felt. Peter wasn't trying to swing, but the wind was so strong that he couldn't help it. Pepper tried to curl up her leaf, but the wind kept unfolding her. Then the worse fear happened. The sky started hitting them with huge, hard balls of ice. Pepper yelled out in pain. One could hear the deafening screams from all the vegetables suffering from the ripping, bruising, and pounding of the hail. Peter called out to Pepper, but she couldn't hear him from all the noise the thunderstorm was producing with its lightening, wind, and thunder. It seemed as if the violent torture lasted for hours, but the storm passed in a matter of minutes and the hail only lasted seconds. The damage was devastating and would last in their hearts forever.
Peter was brought to consignee's with the mighty crow of Sgt. Leghorn. Peter felt the warmth of the hot summer sun and was pleased the storm was over. Then his eyes took in the damage and heard the moaning of all the hurt vegetables. Peter became very worried. Where was Pepper? He couldn't find her. There were fallen tomato plants where she once stood. Peter looked closer and realized that some of the tomatoes battered on the ground were some of his brothers and sisters. They were cut, bruised, and crying out in pain. Peter began to cry. He was scared. Where were his parents? Where was Pepper? How could he help his family? The world Peter knew seemed to wake up slowly before his eyes. He heard the chickens working their way through the rows calling out that help was on the way. He saw the Last Row coming to life and helping his relatives with their cuts and discomforts. Then he heard Pepper call out his name.
"Pepper I'm here, I'm fine. Where are you? are you OK?" Panic and happy, Peter shouted.
Her voice was weak, but Pepper replied in a giggle, "I'm fine, but I am not strong enough to get this heavy stuff off of me...are any of these guys related to you?"
Peter was relieved she was well and still had her sweet, positive personality. Just then he realized he really cared for Pepper. His heart would have been broken if something had happened to her. She was very much a part of his life. Everyday he had spent with her he had grown to love her smile, the sound of her voice, her beautiful, ruffled, light, green leaf. He felt his heart jump. That's what he would do...when this turmoil was over he would announce to his parents he would marry Pepper. Parents...Where was his father and mother and the rest of his family? He knew Pepper was fine and told her that help was on the way.
Now he needed to check on his own family. He called out their names and called to fellow tomato vines. It took some time, but he was able to account for everyone. The truth was one of his uncles had fallen on Pepper. The hail was hitting him so hard he tried to bend away from the pelting and uprooted himself. This caused him to topple over in the forbidden Last Row. Thank heaven he had landed on the lettuce. Their fluffy leaves helped cover his family from the harmful hail and not one child was damaged. They were a little shaken, but fine. Help had finally arrived. Sgt Leghorn was leading the way and a tractor engine could be heard in the background. The Sergent with the help of his team showed the Farmer where the help was needed. The Farmer heeled Peter's uncle back into the ground and straightened his leaves. He also did this to Peter's parents so they were standing tall once again. The chickens rolled the fallen tomatoes to the end of the row where hired hands loaded them into crates for market if they weren't too badly damaged.
With all this hustle and bustle, Peter hadn't noticed Pepper's family and Pepper until Sgt Leghorn stood near the Farmer as he knelt down to the Last Row. There was Pepper's grandmother and grandfather, torn to shreds from protecting his uncle's family. They had used their entire bodies to shield the tomatoes. Pepper was sobbing as was the entire crop of lettuce. Peter had never seen such sadness.
It took about a week for the vegetables to recover and begin to mend. The sunshine helped give them strength and the chickens did their best to brighten the vegetables' spirits each day. Peter and Pepper were again visiting all day and Peter told her how much she meant to him. Pepper smiled through her bent leaf, which promised to heal soon. "Look at her", Peter thought to himself. "She is beautiful from the inside out."
Peter decided to tell his parents, now that everyone had calmed down from the ordeal, that he was going to marry Pepper. He was stunned by their reaction. Peter's father almost bust a vine in anger. He couldn't believe his son was going to marry a low leaf and bring such shame to their family. How could his son want to marry animal food instead of people food. Peter's father accused him of being out in the sun too much and that he couldn't think straight. There was NO way his son would be allowed to talk with the Last Row again. Peter was shocked. He hung there for a minute and then it all came clear to him. Pepper and her family had been the topic his family was aways talking about cruelly. How had he not known this? The more Peter thought, the redder he became. He burst out in a voice he had never known he had.
"Father, you have no idea what you are talking about. Pepper and her relatives are very kind, gentle and have never said an unkind word about your arrogance and lack of manners. Pepper lost her grandparents because they sheltered Uncle Romano's family from the hail. You think they aren't worthy like you, but they make lots of meals that tomatoes aren't even invited to, like wilted lettuce and some wrapped sandwiches. AND did you ever think that they are in the First Row of lettuce and you are in the Last Row of tomatoes?"
Everyone was still...even the lettuce stopped moving around. Peter's voice had been so loud that Sgt Leghorn stood at attention. Then Peter turned towards Pepper. "Pepper, I'm sorry for my family's narrow-mindedness. I love you and would love to spend the rest of my life with you, if you will have me." To everyones amazement Pepper turned a shade of red and nodded her bent leaf yes!
That's right, those two became inseperatable after that. Yes that very day started the well known line...do you want Lettuce and Tomato with that?
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