Story with Man Vrs Society; Must include 1 example of symbolism, a clown, and an old station wagon.

REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN INFLATION by Lamommasita

Just refer to me as Flip. This wasn't always my name. I was like everyone else in this so called free country. I had a name, an address, bank account, social security number, credit cards....you get the drift. I was a number. But not anymore, I sort of disappeared into thin air in the eyes of the government.
The transformation's conception happened one night as I was sitting in the living room that was once my parents' home. My mother had died about three and a half years earlier at the age of 87 and left behind Dad and me. Mom had had a fall and never really recovered. She had always been a go-getter and the stronger one of the two. I'm not sure what happened but her spirit seemed to leave her that day when she got the news. The doctor's office had called and said the x-rays showed the bones were healing at a slower rate than they had expected. They told her she would remain bedridden for another six months at the minimum. She had a melt down but she had had a fewin the past th ree months and that was expected. But for some reason this one was different.
The day after receiving the news she started preparing for her funeral and how Dad needed to be cared for for his remaining time on earth. It was down right depressing and it started taking a toll on Dad. He was not frail by any means but his happy go lucky outlook became bitter. He cursed the medical field, the government, the banks anything and anyone that had a name attached to it.
Mom called me one morning before I headed out to work and asked if I could come home over the weekend. She said Daddy, as she called him, needed to eat and that he was becoming very thin. Just like Mom to worry about everyone else. I told her sure but I couldn't make it until late Sat. afternoon.
See I didn't have much of a social life; I just didn't want to go. I was married to the job. It produced a wage, it was taxed which in turn was given to those worthless asses who lived on welfare & couldn't past a damn drug test. Hell their lives were less complicated than my sorry butt's. I was 41 and working the dream up the corporate ladder. I swear I was doing it for the parents so they had something to brag about to friends and family. Now when I look back I realize it wasn't bringing me any happiness. I had a townhouse, a sports car, a truck, not to mention the loans and credit cards to prove it. No I wasn't married nor any prospects...I wanted that mighty dollar and everything it could supply. I wanted it now! So I consumed and charged and paid dearly every month on the minimum and started the cycle all over. There was no time for endless relationships. Hell it was just a drain on the old bank account. Wine and dine to impress...why?
Anyway I made the trip home and found Mom was right; Dad looked terrible. I don't think he had bathed since the last time I was home which was about three weeks earlier. Mom also was much worse than I had expected. She asked me to come home for a month to care for Daddy. I realize now it was more than that, but at the time I thought she was being unreasonable.
That was the last time I saw my Mom alive. No I didn't do as she had asked. I was such a selfish jerk; my parents had always catered to me. I had plenty of time off coming at my job but I didn't even ask. I lied to my Mom when she called a couple of days later and she sounded so disappointed. I justified it with some excuse...some lame,selfish excuse.
I took a leave of absence from my job two days after Mom's funeral. Dad was a mess. His entire life was lived to be with that one and only woman whom he loved. He keep telling me to order another casket. He said that I might be able to get a better deal..a two for one sale if I hurried.
Well Dad and I were together for three years and I'm so glad I made the choice to spend his last days with him. Yep I quit my job when the vacation and sick days ran out. I kept paying the the mortgages, the loan payments, and the garage rents tho. I knew I would be thrilled the day I could go back to 'my' life.

My dad what a great guy! As a child we don't see our parents as anything but parents. We don't realize they have had their struggles, their downs along with the ups, the worries, the fears and overwhelming responsibilities. We just categorize them as "oh it's just mom and dad" and go back to the "me" world. Now I understand why Mom loved and cared for Dad. The laughter and spirit he showed was amazing. Mom and Dad had such a wonderful relationship that I had never cared to see, nor be a part of it with them. I was an only child and it was all about moi.
I sure veered off course with this story but you needed to see where I was coming from to understand where I ended up.It's now several days after Dad's burial. I was overwhelmed with the bills and taxes my parents had been dealing with all of their lives. And how little they had to live on the past ten years. They were able to keep the farm but it had to been a struggle. And believe it or not the taxes don't stop once someone dies...the government keeps its greedy hand out with the palm side up. It wants your very last drop of blood.
As I sat there in the living room looking over Dad's financial papers, bills and family records, I realized Dad and his father worked very hard and had pride in their abilities. They provided for their families and helped out neighbors when needed. They never asked for anything they hadn't worked for or earned honestly. It was never about them but about the 'whole'. They were proud Americans and had served for their country.
I am a proud American and feel lucky to live in this country, don't get me wrong. But I was raised that way and I hadn't earned that pride. I took all my privileges for granted. I had put my time in at my job but I expected that monetary and position reward at review time. I didn't care how I got it, it was every man for himself. Nothing on my part to be proud of that's for sure. I didn't appreciate my time off because it wasn't productive and it had no monetary rewards. The problem was I just didn't know how to appreciate that precious time, I needed to be productive and always busy I thought. Lets face it I had no life. I could have given some time to my parents but I didn't want to waste the time traveling there and back. Once there I had to listen to them talk about people I didn't know nor cared about. God how boring. But to them they were so glad to see me and wanted to share their lives with me. Their lives had changed a lot since I had gone to the city to start mine. They just wanted to share and I could have cared less. I finally cared those last three, short years but it was too little too late by then. I didn't have Mom.

I took the next week or so to make sure my plan was workable and fool proof. I looked through all the barns and checked over the acres that were being rented and farmed by a neighbor. I ran the necessary errands in town to get all the ducks in a row and closed out Dad's accounts and have the mail canceled by the end of the month.

As I was pilfering through the out buildings I came across Mom's 1983 Chevy Caprice Classic station wagon. I had to smile. That car was so Mom. Even the silver roof matched her hair. It was dependable, nonsense, and hard working; it was a tank. Mom wasn't a tank but she was a solid wholesome woman. I could actually smell her when I sat in the front seat. I could also feel the comfort she and the car had always offered. Oh how I missed her smiles and her laugh.

My best friend from college called me about six weeks after seeing him at Dad's funeral. Jay and his family had been looking for a place to vacation. I hit him with my idea and he said he would toss it around. He wanted me to call him in about two weeks and that time had arrived. Jay & his family loved the idea so the gears were turning towards my goal.

I tore down one of Dad's dilapidated barns and started building a house and barn for myself on the back 10 acres. It had a spring fed pond with a grove of pine trees set off to its west. There was a flat area that could be tilled up for a garden. The ten acres were basically woods with this ideal opening.

I went through the barns and took out all the things I thought I could use and filled my storage barn. I was really proud of my workmanship for a desk jockey. The house was cozy with one great room and a the loft for my bed. I planned on using wood for heat and cooking. I would use only the fallen trees in the woods for that purpose. The wind mill that had been near one of the barns was now in the clearing and going to serve as my source of electricity. If the wind just happened to die down in that little valley I always had the power of the spring. I had channeled it so I could use its force as an energy source.

The last step was the auction to sell all the things remaining that I hadn't needed. The farm had already been sold to Jay on a life estate. I would be the unknown manager and make sure the farmer renting the property remained honest. Jay would deal with the guy by phone but I would write Jay monthly to keep him informed. Jay didn't want to live here now but wanted it for a get-a-way for his wife, kids and him and for a place to grow old. The arrangement was perfect. No one would bother me and I would have NO 'number' connection to the outside bureaucratic world.

I sold the townhouse, the sports car and the truck. My ties to the city were cut. I paid all my credit cards off. It was a little frightening at first but as it was I had nothing to show for all the debt I had incurred. I had been one of the millions helping keep inflation alive and well fed. I turned the money in the bank accounts into cash which I took back to my new home. The banks had a fit. No one should carry that large amount on their person. I told them I didn't trust their wiring technology and left. Everyone in the city I had done business with thought I was leaving for a better job and the people in my home town thought I was heading back to the rat race. Perfect!

I had my home furnished, I had heat, I had electricity, I had an eco green toilet, a water tank on the roof for a shower. The extra electric I stored in batteries so I had lights for the long winter nights and for a radio. No one would know I lived here since the trail I used was the lane to the fields. I got myself a dog, Ruffin, and a kitten, Snickers, for company and rodent control. I also salvaged my two wheel bike from the garage rafters for transportation and exercise. The cabinets where stuffed with food so I didn't need to go anywhere for at least a month. By then the transformation on me would be complete.

The month had passed and I was surprised how busy I had kept myself. The animals were great company and I was glad I had them. When I finally took a gander in the mirror I was startled. If I had had a red nose I would have passed for a clown. Never had I seen myself with long curly locks and scruffy facial hair. No one would recognize me in town now. Jay had left the keys with me for his truck which he stored in the garage and told me I could use it whenever. My drivers licence expired in four days so it was time. I put on shades & Ruffin and I headed to town for some staples and for bite at the local diner to see if anyone recognized me.

It was so amazing. No one showed even a hint of recognition. Ruffin had as much fun as I did on our excursion. I cleared out the junk mail from Jay's mailbox and headed to our home.

Ruffin, Snickers and I celebrated our ten year anniversary today. What an eye opening experience it has been. I'm not angry like I was when I was working. I seem to understand more by having a simpler life. The idea of helping people with welfare and unemployment was a great idea when it was first implemented just like the unions. But the wrong people took over these organization for money, votes and ego trips. The greed grew like a deadly cancer. Before anyone really realized the damage it was doing to the country like it does to a body it had destroyed the pride of our nation. Now we have bred a society with the mentality that the government owes them something. They have contributed nothing but still want more.
I have stopped contributing to these leeches. I pay no taxes except for an occasional monthly trip to the store for groceries or maybe a meal out. That is it! I ride my bike with the attached cart I made and don't need a licence. I am a free man, a happy spirit who loves his country and is very proud to be an American. I am living the American dream because of my loving parents. Finally I know they are truly proud of me. That's why I changed my name to F.L.I.P. Finally Living In Pride.

Mitch on Heels By Curlyfro

Ah Crud in a feathered hat! Bernadette is on today! Cripes Almighty, can't a man shop in peace! She must have traded someone because I have NEVER seen her in on Wednesday. "Why Hello Bernadette, working on a Wednesday hey?"

"Yeah, da dird day Jennifer couldn't get a sitter, so she got the can instead. Ha ha ha get it, got the can instead!" chortled Bernadette as she shook out some some plastic bags.

After a minute of deciphering what Bernadette had said, she is missing both front teeth and I thought she said "turd day" I replied.

"Oh the new girl didn't work out, poor thing? She seemed so...Oh that's terrible!"

No, actually it was worse that terrible, it was Rhianna and Eminem "Love the Way You Lie" song Terrible. This was the 3rd week in a row I had come into the Thrifty Nifty to buy my Bargain dream negligee and I sure as a dog eats sh...couldn't get it NOW! I had found out through some small talk, aka flirting with the new girl Jennifer, that she worked from open until lunch on the register on Wednesday by herself. And now after all that plotting and planning, Bernadette, the "I'm on to you " Bernadette is patrolling the register. Now I know how a deflated balloon feels. Or how I think a deflated balloon would feel if it had feelings. Not one of those long balloons used for making animales, but the round ones. Where you could actually see the air going out of it and it makes that noise...

Well, I can't just stand here with my finger in my nose by the entrance all day. I might as well see if it is still here. Geez, nosey Bernadette is still watching me...fiddlesticks...did I take off my stockings? I can't feel them so I must have. What else did I have on earlier? Oh good, she has a customer. Okay, so I should just mosey over to the men's department, look casual and when she forgets about me I'll scamper...no no, I will leisurely make my way to the woman's "socks and more" section. Here we are at "men's shirts", dark blue, blue, light blue, ugly blue. Blah blah blah That's probably enough time here. Oh, are those t-shirts? And we have red, reddish orange, pink? Ha! definitely belonged to a theatre guy, ha ha ha. A quick check on Bernadette. She's now organising shoes, I'd say the coast is clear.

And there it is, Still on the rack! Oh if this isn't a cruel twist of fate. I remember the day a month ago when I had the courage to try it on. I had Stuffed it in a stack of men's pants and had scurried off to the dressing room feeling excited. How ironic I had thought that was! Trying on a DRESS in the DRESSing room. But then Bernadette had intervened from where she was lurking behind a rack to cheerfully tell me "Dree at a Dime, only Dree items at a Dime dear. Want me to hold some stuff on the chair here until you are ready for dem? We can exchange items over the door as you dry them on." Again I probably stood there staring at her confused while I deciphered. Luckily an elderly woman inquired about an exercise bike and I took the moment to grab a few things loose and put some pants away while tucking the treasure back into hiding. I was closing the door of the dressing room when she turned back around and practically closed the door on her face.

It fit like a gem. I felt like Mr. uhm...America. It was a creamy peach and stopped mid calf. When I twirled around it flared like a poodle skirt in the 60's movies. Silky with a bit of lace and the tag was Yellow! Half price for the day. Then I had to put it back. I had told Bernadette, who actually had the nerve to ask why I bought so many "feminine pieces", that my (fictional) mother was bed ridden and needed me to shop for her. "Why would your mother need fancy dresses if she be bedridden?" Ooooh, I can still see her hoity toity smirk. "She must be a mighty large woman too, she's got a be watching out for da cholesterol and da diabetes ya know!" I thanked her for her concerned and made a mental note to never come back. BUT they were located near the theatre house and got an awful lot of beautiful cast offs in all sizes. So a month later I was still trying to get the negligee out of the thrift store without being known as a "drag queen" or a psychopath son buying frilly nighties for his bedridden mother.

Disheartened and becoming angry with the situation I made for the exit.

"Those pants fit you nicely dear, didja get um here?" Bernadette's voice followed me out the door.

At the station wagon I dug for my keys and let myself in sitting on the squirting flower that went with my uniform. Which reminded me AGAIN that the day was going badly. I had cancelled a gig this morning to enable me to get my negligee. There was $50 down the drain. I decided to still go and split the payment with Knucklehead. Today's gig was at the senior center and sure to pay a pretty penny. No really, I would be collecting pennies, polished up and saved since 1930.

When I got to Sunnydale I grabbed my uniform and went in search of Knucklehead. He was just coming out of the bathroom, with five minutes until showtime. Luckily He was ok with splitting the payment since he was coming down with a cold. We reworked our routine then looked into the awaiting crowd. Out of the ten people who showed up four were alert and awake. I decided to do a comedy routine where I would "fall in love" with a lady in the audience. I think I would pick one that was sleeping. Then we would do a tight walking skit followed by washer woman routine where knucklehead accidentally whacks me in the head with a broom several times. Very three stooges, but this crowd should like it.

Five minutes later I reemerged from the bathroom a changed man. I don't do the whole white face paint routine, but dressed simply in a red nose, top hat wild clothes and big shoes. My first gig went better than expected. The four that were awake thought my flirtatiousness with the woman who was snoring, hilarious. That was until she woke up and stumbled away angry thinking I was picking on her, which made them stifle their laughter. The tight rope act was met with silence and the washerwomen got some hee haws. One lady commented to the lady beside her that "those Smuther's Brothers' clothes had really gone down hill" and asked if that was how the kids were dressing these days. Her compainion tried to explain and they ended up getting into an argument. While we were packing up a gentleman approached and asked if we needed any help. The idea of this man using his walker to help us carry our props made me smirk. Then I realized he meant to participate. He went on to say that he was impressed with our show and our mother's must be proud, were we twins? We looked very much alike. A kind nurse came and told him he was tired and should rest after all that stimulation. We looked at her gratefully.

Out at the cars I came up with a brilliant idea to give knucklehead money and asked him to purchase my item. I had him convinced that it was for a skit and he agreed. I made up a lie that I really liked the woman working and didn't want her to know my profession. Knucklehead understood. He had a few dates gone bad by carrying his humor over into everyday life. He followed me to Thrift Nifty and I gave him instructions then waited in the car.

Ten minutes later Knucklehead, (Steve) exited. Without a bag. My heart sank for the second time today. It was gone. Someone had purchased my item. Why was he smiling? "Did you get it?" I asked trying to keep the disappointment from my voice.

"I've got you all set up man" he replied still smirking. "Just be at the corner diner at 6:00, you can thank me later. Oh and I explained why you wanted it, it's all in the clear."

"NO, You DIDN'T!?" I gasped with my jaw dropped

"I want you to be happy man, this isn't the life for everyone, Me, I'm gonna go home and sleep off this cold." With that he got into his car and drove off, still smiling.

I tried looking into the shop's windows to see who was at the counter and just asked on a blind date with a secret admirer. Who would actually agree to that? Bernadette. I could only see some blond girl, I think her name was Donna. No Bernadette. Man, wouldn't that be a doozy, as my seven year old nephew would say. This could go down ok, I could get my negligee, dinner, and save face with it being for my "uniform". Then politely break it off, claiming I had no time to spend on wooing.

As it turned out it was Bernadette at the diner, 6:00 sharp. She was wearing a red dress and red lipstick, which drew attention to her toothlessness. Smiling she put the bag on the table as I sat down in the chair across from her. Evidently she had a crush on me and was estatic when Steve gave her the scoop. She rambled away until the waitress came, then said "do you just want to eat at my place? I have a surprise for you!"

Stuttering, I was visualizing the worst and stammered "I I I I I wanna take it slow, I I I think we should just order dessert and go!"

She turned red and stormed out throwing the bag in my lap. Something dug into my thigh and I looked down to see a monsterous yellow high heel. "What the...?" my bipolar mother who was actually in prison used to wear yellow heels. We knew to stay out of her way when she wore them. I was starting to have trouble breathing and forced myself up.

I raced out after Bernadette who was already getting into an old faded F150.

"Wait...Please, I am sorry! What is this?" I asked holding up the shoe like it was a posionous snake.

Her face was red and possibly wet. "I thought it would look pretty with your dress, which I was going to wash and iron but ran out of dime. I was going to take you home to give it to you. It'd be a little weird to hand a guy a dress and heels on a first date. At least in public I guess." She spit out at me defensivly.

I ended up going home with her. Met her fourteen cats and got my negligee. She made me promise to invite her to my next job so she could see me in my costumes.

Needless to say the gig is this Thursday, I need to come to terms with being a cross dresser and might as well do it in public. Surpringly I acutally kind of like her...oh and the shoes, they are back on the shelf at the thrifty nifty. I told her they were "uncomfortable".

Story climax between a porcupine, a poisonous dart frog and a diamondback rattle snake. Must include a flashback, oppression, and character's struggle

Three Strikes By Curlyfro
So there I was on deck in the last inning. The game was tied and no one was on base. Both Tony and Eric had struck out and Andrew was getting ready to take his first swing. We were the last two teams left in the tournament, the Pottsville Middle School Poisonous Dart Frogs vs the Butler Middle School Diamondback Rattlesnakes. We Dart Frogs had smoked the Porcupines last night. Nothing but quills left when we were done with them! I had almost forgotten to bring the snack today, I was so worked up that I hadn't realized I had forgot them until I hit Main Street. So I had to bike back double time to get the snicker doodles grandma had made. She wanted to be supportive since she couldn't be there to watch me, so I let her make the snack. I had mowed yards all summer (well the yards on our street since my mom thinks there are kidnappers on every corner waiting for a 14 year old kid) and was still $5 short when I bought the bat on Saturday. I had forgotten about the tax so grandma chipped in when she saw me go limp with despair.
Anyway, this is the most important win of the season, of my life maybe and I can't focus...Yes- Andrew got on first base! Andrew's problem is he hesitates, he could have made it to second, but missed the opportunity. OK, no pressure, just breathe, you've got Silverton The Second (that's what I've named my bat, it replaced ol' Silverton) and the whole game depends on me not striking out AND getting Andrew home. Now why did the pitcher smirk? He thinks he's got me, he thinks...."STRIKE"...crud!... Focus focus focus! ok ok ok...that was just luck, don't look at his face, just focus on the ball, ..."STRIKE"...WHY did I swing at that? Why Why Why? What is coach shouting? And why is Andrew shaking his head? Andrew's other problem is that he is sooo competitive, I mean it is a game, we are suppose to have fun right! ok ok, here we go, he's going to go straight down the middle, here it comes, it's perfect! CRACK, It's good! It's gone! Aw Silverton, ya lucky bugger! There's first, they are still running after the ball, and there's second. They've got the ball and Andrew is going for home and they're throwing the ball, RUN! he's safe!!! We won! We Won!



ONE FOR THE REPTILE By Lamommasita

The shower was still running so off dashed Sammy to the basement. He tapped on his pocket to make sure it was there as he placed the stool by the tank. Slowly he lifted a side on the top of the tank that housed Nate's pride and joy he had used his allowance to buy, a Diamondback Rattlesnake. Sammy hated that snake for several reasons. But today he would get rid of it and get even with his older brother.
Where was that ugly diamondback Nate called Gem? Sammy couldn't see it. His heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in his shaking arms. Slowly & trembling he lifted the lock on the mesh top. Just as he held the top up about three inches his pants' button hit the glass on the side of the tank. Sammy screamed and fell backwards off the stool. Thank heavens the cement floor was carpeted because he would have been all scraped up. Then how would he have explained that? He sat there a little bit to listen for some movement upstairs. Mommy was on the phone to Granny, Daddy wasn't home yet and Nate was still in the shower. Since he could still hear the water rushing down the pipes to the septic. Sammy tried again but as he got up on the stool and started for the lid, there in the corner of the tank something moved. Oh how Sammy wished the basement had better lighting and that that stupid snake didn't look like Daddy's dark wool sweater. He had always been told not to go to near the tanks by his parents and Nate and he wished he had another choice. But he didn't and he had to do this. He recalled how Nate had given their dog his favorite stuffed porcupine toy that Santa had given him one Christmas. He loved that porcupine. Needles was his name and he protected him at bedtime to keep monsters away. No monsters in the closet or under the bed would come near Needles because he had the ability to stab them until they would cry. Sammy also remembered the awesome gift his Daddy brought him on one of his business trips. His Daddy had him look under his blue printed tie he was wearing that night. As he lifted the tie something moved and jump out at him. Sammy shock his head thinking about this and how embarrassed he was by his reaction. He had screamed and ran behind his Mommy. Well Nate never let him live it down and teased him constantly about being a baby. Nate had told his friends and when they would see him they would chant..." Sammy's a baby, Sammy's a girl...if he sees a rubber frog he'll run and his girlie skirt will whirl!" Sammy could feel his face heat up with anger. He still was a little frightened by his Poisonous Dart Frog but as long as he put it in his locked trunk at night that frog was da bomb during the daylight. Man it would stick to the windows and the shower, how cool was that! "Well it doesn't stick anymore!"...Sammy said out loud. Nate had to test out his new pocket knife and did it on frogger's feet. How awesome is a rubber frog without feet!
That was it! Slowly Sammy pulled the yellow box out of his pants pocket. He put it up to the lid and tried to pour it into the glass tank. Crap...he hadn't pulled the stupid lid back far enough. He was shaking so badly he could barley stand on the old stool and yet managed to pull off more of the lid. Again he tried lifting the lid and shake the box..he lost his balance and feel into the side of the tank. OH NO....there she was...that poisonous snake was heading up the side of the tank. OH SHOOT...Sammy wanted to back out in the worse way but he had to continue for the sake of his porcupine and footless dart frog. As he was starting to shake the box again the snake lunged and grabbed the box!!! Sammy was so scared he couldn't make a noise. He felt the snake's mouth touch his fingers. OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD and the tears flowed down Sammy's flush face. He was dead. The plan had failed. He had been punished the way he had been wanting to punish Nate for all his meanness. How could this have happen? Sammy could feel a heavy weight on his chest. He heard his Mommy calling his name which he knew she would found his limp body on the basement floor and she would be crying anytime now. How could this have gone so miserably wrong thought Sammy. WAIT....you can't think if you are dead. He tried to sit up but was restricted. Here the old stool had toppled on him in the fall. His Mommy wasn't calling him it was the whooshing of the washer spinning out. Sammy looked for Gem. Oh my goodness....she was still in the tank and so was the yellow box lid. Slowly Sammy pushed the stool off of his chest and approached the snake tank. Gem had headed back toward her shoe box and the yellow lid was stuck on the tip of a twig on an old branch in which Nate had decorated the tank. Where was the rest of the yellow box and its contents? There on the basement floor was the bottom of the yellow box but where, OH NO where was the rest of it? Sammy searched the floor, rechecked his pockets, frantically scanned Gem's tank. And there, there is was....it just had to be......Gem must have devoured it sideways and Sammy could make it out about five inches down her neck. It was all Sammy could do to keep from screaming with joy. His plan had worked!!! Sammy hurried to pick the lid off the twig on the top branch, lock Gem's tank, put the stool back, put the yellow lid on it's bottom, stuffed it in his pocket and flew up the basement steps. Just as his right hand touched the door knob, he jumped! He could hear Nate yelling " Mom have you seem my pocket knife?" All of a sudden Sammy felt a kinship with Gem...they shared a secret!

Writing assignment: The story of the single shoe by the roadside. Must include a used tea bag and a dirty coffee cup.

A Walk to Remember By Curlyfro
Tuesday, June 20
So Gilbert and I were finally taking that trip. We started out From Pitlochry and were making our way down the coast to see the castles of the Eastern Britain. Of course Gilbert has to drive with his shoes off. So I had the window all the way down ruining my pompadour, which I had spent an hour on this morning. I had never considered how difficult it would be to get ready in a motor home. We've raised two daughters and spent six years of my life dodging curlers and hairspray, still I had never had so much trouble moving around. After approximately twenty minutes of trying to explain to Gilbert that I had waited 30 years for this trip, there was no deadline on getting home and that I wanted to enjoy myself by taking the coastal roads. He stuck his head out the window and yelled "pick up your tent and move asshole" to the lorry in front of us. Shaking my head I decided to make myself a spot of tea for I definitely had some nerves to calm if we were both coming out of this trip alive. If I had thought getting ready in the bathroom was an adventure, then getting myself out of the seat was a real treat. My legs aren't what they used to be and I am not merely talking of appearance. When I had finally made my way to the kitchenette, which I had packed like a well ordered lunch box while Gilbert was off with his cronies playing Rummy, Gilbert decided he had enough and sped into the passing lane to overtake the "asshole". His acceleration threw me into the counter and once I had righted myself and walked towards the cabinet he slammed on the breaks mumbling something about eating smashed plums. Arms flailing I managed to land on the sofa slamming my shin on Gilbert's walker in the process. I decided Gilbert would probably enjoy the used tea bag that was currently being used by a fly and had been sitting in the sink since breakfast. Apparently in a better mood since he was "King of the highway" Gilbert started to whistle and ask if everything was "ok in the backside toots?". "Just dandy" I replied in an even tone. Bringing the tea up a few minutes later, Gilbert said he would rather have some coffee "if it's not too much of a bother love". So being the spend thrift I am I ended up drinking both cups of tea, fly poop and all, while Gilbert got his fresh coffee. Thank Goodness the rest of the afternoon was unadventurous, other than Gilbert's driving, which I just tried to ignore.
We arrived at the first castle around lunch time after a harrowing experience trying to get the "cheese wagon" ,as the grand kids call our orange mobile home, into a handicap spot made for a compact car. Due to the Medication I am on I need to stay out of the sun, but wanted to utilize a picnic table and enjoy God's green earth. While I packed the picnic basket Gilbert went around and kicked each tire...twice. I shouted that we were ready to go and he tottered over to the only table in the shade about 100 feet away. "Gilbert" I hissed "Gilbert", louder this time and finally "GILBERT!". I could hear his hearing aid buzzing as he whipped around. "Christ all mighty, What's all the racket for Dolores?" rolling my eyes and answering in the sweetest voice I could muster "Don't you think you should use your walker since we parked in the handicapped parking?" and of course his reply "No one will know it is ours". With that he turned around and continued walking, with seemingly more pep in his step. "If you are as fit as a fiddle maybe you could help me carry your lunch I shouted to his back. Miraculously he never heard that.
As I was getting ready to sit down I noticed a thong in the grass. "Gilbert, is that a thong over there by that tree?" oh boy was he up and investigating instantly.
"No, it is a flip flop Dolores, how can you confuse a flip flop for a thong?"
"That's what flip flops are called dear, and what were you so excited about a "thong" for anyway?"
The meal was finished in relative silence. Gilbert was fantasizing about the thong, I presume and I was playing Nancy Drew trying to figure out what a single shoe would be doing out here by the castle. It was a touristy site, who would come with both shoes and leave with one?

Monday, June 19th
We were finally taking that trip. Having missed out on a honeymoon we finally had the chance to take a vacation. Being in England, my husband Frank found a flier for a castle that puts all the lights on at dusk. "It's suppose to be beautiful" he raved. I made him trudge through the Victorian garden this morning, so a castle walk at night wouldn't be a big deal. Although I feel childish admitting it, I am very "uncomfortable" in the dark. Outside. In the middle of no where. The flier showed parking about a mile from the train depot which actually took you to the entrance under the castle, which had a moat, but not a working bridge. I copied it down on a piece of scrap paper with my lucky blue pen from Mexico. I suggested we get there early. If I had to walk a mile in the dark through a small canyon, I wanted to do it as few times as possible. Plus, I had added, we could see it during the day and at night for the same admission cost.We stopped at a little tourist town and grabbed some dinner. While waiting for our table I scanned the "things to do" board in the lobby. Apparently the village was warning people about a man holding tourists hostage for ransom. Nothing real informative was known at the time it was printed. It seemed a little humorous to me. The townspeople starting a neighborhood watch, but didn't want to give the person's identity away. We were seated and had ordered within the next five minutes. My husband claimed he ordered anything that didn't include "bangers" and I had a cucumber sandwich which arrived with a dirty coffee cup and some instant coffee. Bon Appetite as Julia Child would say- in well, France.
We hopped back in the car and figured we were about 10 minutes from the castle parking.
The castle was very secluded. Nothing but cattle and rolling plains from the little town until we got to the parking, though the road was pretty busy.You could catch a glimpse of the castle roof from the road before we made a turn into the parking lot, but it was up a hill and behind a woods. There was a small canyon about 500 feet from the parking lot and the train depot was beyond that. The place was jumping with people and I wondered where everyone came from. There weren't that many cars on the road! I grabbed the camera, the information I copied, and the flashlights and were on our way. There had been some sort of explosion or rock slide in the canyon and there were clusters of people clambering over the rocks, so we set off to join in. It was then that I realized more people were leaving than coming in, although their were still quite a few people in the canyon going towards the castle. By the time we got through the canyon my feet were cut up and bleeding, what a genius wearing flip flops, and it was almost dusk. We sat down for a moment so I could inspect my feet and Frank brought it to my attention that the last few people were coming out of the canyon and there was no one behind them. "No one wants to climb thorough that twice in the dark!" I concluded and we got up to finish our hike to the depot. It was a beautiful night, cool, breezy, crickets chirping in another country. The depot had white lights strung up on the roof and looked like some dilapidated pioneer barn. With lights.
We got our tickets to the castle, the next "train" left in 5 minutes, so we hurried along. As we turned down the hall to the boarding area the last people were getting on and the "conductor" was claiming "doors are closing". We ran up to it as it was pulling away and I tried to swing a door open as it picked up speed. Just then a man in jean shorts and no shirt walked up from behind us and asked to see our itinerary. I dug it out of my purse and gave it to him. He grunted, smiled, and walked through some doors in the back of the room, shutting them behind him. When I glance down at the paper, wondering what was so amusing, I saw that I had written in red pen next to this train "NO". I was shocked. I didn't have a red pen when I was coping this down, but it was in my handwriting. I asked Frank if he had seen it and he claimed he found it odd that I had written it when he had looked at it earlier. Befuddled we sat on the benches and waited for the next car. 30 minutes later I walked back to the front counter to inquire about the next train. There was no one there, I searched, calling out "anyone there?" and the place was empty. Frank came up after hearing my yelling and I decided we were just going to leave. I was creeped out. A little weirded out himself, Frank and I headed back to the canyon. Being paranoid now, I kept hearing noises and insisted we walk faster. The flashlights were dollar specials and didn't do a whole lot of "lighting", more targeting our location than anything else. The rocks were really tearing up my feet now and I realised as we neared the exit that I was panicking. Frank shushed me and we could hear little rocks still falling behind us. "There is someone back there" Frank finally admitted. We were on the last few boulders out of the canyon in less than a minute and sprinting now. As we rounded the picnic area my flip flop broke and Frank hissed "I can't find the keys!" When we got to the car we huddled, crouched down on the driver's side and listened. I couldn't hear anything over my own breathing and heart pounding, and searched my purse for the extra key. "I've got it!" I yelped as I heard someone on the stone lot. We scrambled into the car, me in the back, him driving and whipped out of the spot, hitting something with a thud. We drove back towards the Inn and debated what to report if anything, I mean, we hadn't actually seen anyone and didn't know their intent. Just then the car started driving funny and Frank said "We have something stuck to the car!" We drove the rest of the way swerving back and forth until whatever it was finally came off. When we got to the Inn we locked up and ran inside to call the police. We stayed inside until we say the lights of the patrol car and then hurried out to meet them. It wasn't until the police wanted to see the car that we noticed it was dented and bloodied...

Later Tuesday June 20th
After a lovely lunch, though quiet I had come to the conclusion that a group of young adults had been gallivanting around and one of the boys threw a girls flip flop out of the window as they were leaving the castle. That, dear Watson is what must have happened. Young love. With that I looked over at Gilbert and smugly thought, those kids will one day grow old like good ol' Bert here. Gilbert caught me staring at him and mistook the look for let's go. He grabbed up the picnic basket and said to go ahead and start up the machine, which was a description of how I walk before my knees limber up again, he'd catch up. He had put the basket in the car and meet up with me 100 feet from where we'd sat and said "How do you reckon we'll make it up that?". I was so busy watching my step that I didn't see the path was covered with falling boulders. "Well craps almighty!" I exclaimed "That really busts my buttons!". No signs or nothing indicating that the park was closed. In fact there weren't any people bustling about now that I actually took it all in. "No point in standing here watching the crickets jump, let's head on out" Gilbert exclaimed. Probably secretly thrilled at the idea of knocking a few hours off the trip. So we shuffled back to the car. "What did you hit Gil?" His face got red and before he was able to get out a defensive retort I had pulled the yellow banner off the hood. Whipping my glasses off my blouse I read "CRIME SCENE" several times across the banner. "By George Gilbert! Someone was killed here and we disturbed the evidence!" Mumbling, Gilbert took the banner and came to the same conclusion "best be heading out then" he added and we climbed aboard. Gilbert pulled out of there with a little more gusto than necessary while I looked at the map for a local sheriff department. I bantered that we should at least let them know we meant no harm. Gilbert said we were NOT stopping, we had a vacation to finish and we were going to do just that! We settled for stopping at the Loch side Inn. mostly because Gilbert needed to use the facilities and I refused to sit through that stench in the car. Again, parking was a nightmare and 15 minutes later we were walking towards the front door. Gilbert went his way and I confessed everything to the desk manager. She said the murderers had actually eaten at that very restaurant the previous day and for a small charge we could sit at their table. "Lord have mercy" I exclaimed, "what happened?" I guess a couple had gotten spooked and backed over someone, they had been taken away in the police cruiser. When Gilbert came out I explained everything and we went directly home. I would wait another 30 years before going on vacation if I had to deal with a bunch of hoodlums!



THE REBEL SOLES by Lamommasita

Have you ever wondered why there is just one shoe along the roadside, in a ditch, at the beach or in a parking lot? Are there individuals somewhere out there carrying on their lives with only one foot shoed. At any given time did a passenger in a moving vehicle just randomly put down the window and decided to see if their shoe could keep up with them, either by flying or taking off running beside the vehicle? Then when they realized their hypotheses hadn't been well thought out; are they too embarrassed to ask the driver to turn around to retrieve their bruised up shoe. How and why are all these different sizes, shapes, and brands out there in the elements and their owners or mates aren't out there rescuing them. Well after many hours of research and interviews the questions have been somewhat answered if you believe the explanations.

Before we begin let me introduce myself. My name is Lil Shoehorn and I'm a freelance writer. I am originally from the great state of Illinois but I go wherever there's a story to be told. Around the circuit I'm known to be the one that can wiggle my way into an interview and slip out with a story that other reporters would never have seen news worthy. Some of the shoes, flip flops, boots, tennies didn't want to talk to me at first but with a little coaxing I got them to come around. It seems as if the footwear world has it's share of rebels. So without further delay lets get to the interviews so you can understand a little bit more of what you have been seeing.

Ms Fancy was spotted in the theater district in downtown Atlanta. She is a thin single-strap, 4" spike high heel, striking red patent leather with a shy demeanor. We decided to meet at a quaint little tea shop for the interview.
"Welcome Ms Fancy, is it alright to address you as Ms Fancy or would you like me to address you in some other manner?" I asked as to open up the conversation.
"Oh please call me Ms Fancy, my daddy always called me that and I am taken up by that name. My daddy was a wanderer I have always been told" She replied with a tense smile and sipped some tea.
Man...I felt like a used tea bag in a dirty coffee cup next to her. "Please tell my why you are not with your mirrored image or with a wearer instead out here by yourself." I asked pointedly.
"Well I just couldn't take it any longer in that dreadful one room box. The Wearer had 76 boxes and each box was assigned to an outfit. My mirror image and I were assigned to a short, sateen, red cocktail dress. If the Wearer didn't want to don the dress we remained in that prison box. I must have some of my daddy's leather genes in me because I began to plot my way out of there. I just hatred that dark, dark place." Ms Fancy dotted the corner of her eyes and took another sip of tea. "I'm sorry for that weak moment I won't let it happen again." "Take your time," I tried to comfort her and had a spot of tea myself.
"I'm better" she said after a substantial pause and continued. "My Wearer and her husband had a fun raiser to attend out of town. She packed our assigned dress so we had some freedom ahead of us. Yes this is when I put my escape into effect. When she was packing to come home she accidentally set me on the edge of the bed. While she was in the other room I slid off the covers and hid behind the bunched up comforter. Here I am today a wiser and happier red patent leather. I have experienced a wonderful life and have never wanted to walk back."
Our next guest is a robust, tooled, brown, cowhide leather cowboy boot which naturally wants me to call him Rex Tex or just Tex. We meet at a local barbecue diner for a beer in Kidder, S.D.
"Good evening Mr. Tex, thank you for meeting me here." I greeted him as he waited for me to take my seat.
"Good even'n Mam" he said with that southern draw and a welcoming smile.
"Would you like to tell me your story and how in the world you ended up here in South Dakota?" I coaxed him to stop drinking and start talking.
" Well ya I wreck'n I mize well get started here before dem routies gets too loud at da bar & you can't hear me" he said in his slow manner as he leaned back in his chair and tossed me a wink.
Wow what a charmer! Well back to the questions before I forget why I'm here.
"Yep I was just like any other cow boot in Texas but I wanted to see this here beautiful countree of hours. Ya can't blame a guy for just pick'n up & move'n on now can ya. Hell I got tired of that same old shit. Day in and day out stepping in horse shit, cattle shit and taken shit from the foremen. So one day I just jumped out the back of de horse trailer Here I am enjoy'n the good ol' life out here under da stars like my ancestors." With that Tex downed another beer. Tex was proud of his heritage and continued to talk about everything unrelated to my topic. Hard as I tried Tex kept veering away from the subject. He had several more beers and became one of the routies before the night was over. I bid him good night and left him with his buddies.
There are so many footwear rebels but we are "running" out of time so I will share with you one more story. No the running used previously was not an accident. Our next guest is a man-made upper done in navy and yellow with leather tread. He is a running shoe called Tenny.
"Well how are you doing this beautiful morning Tenny?" I greeted him as he entered the park near the duck pond in lower New York City. Tenny was without laces and seemed to be enjoy the cool breeze.
"Yo Babe you got somethin hot going on there girl" Tenny did some groovin' moves as he slid over next to me. "Yeah yous and me could get somethin goin' girl"
"Tenny I'm glad you could break away for this interview and answer some questions for me." I tried to keep him at shoelace distance but this dude was really full of himself. " Now tell me why you decided to live on the streets and not with your Wearer."
"Well it's like dis Hot Stuf, how in the world could a star stud like me be stuck with just one Wearer. Get real...I belongs to da world. I enjoys my laces lose & fancy foot free life. I don'ts have to ant sirs to no one and can be where ever I wants to be when I wants to be, dog. Me and my homies gots da life and the rest of da footies just keeps follow sum body elses rules. Hell day can't even decide if day want to have dem fat o' sticky feets in dem all day. Day can't even have a freakin' day off. That ain't da life for me. Me was made for playin' Baby and dat is whats me's gone ah do. Now if yous don't mine, I gots to be chillin' with sum bros n shoots sum hoops." Tenny no more than finished the last word and took off. I didnt' even get a chance to ask him how he made it to the streets.
I have interviewed millions of loners or Rebels, as they prefer to be called, and found out some of their rules for survival. If you recall you never see a Rebel in the upright postion. This isn't an accident. If a vehicle or human is within a mile radius they lay down. They have picked this tactic up from the opposum clan. Now if they are going to rest they usually do this in a secluded area but sometimes the route they are on is too busy and they can't take the risk of being seen moving. So the weary traveler will just lie down in his tracks. Whatever you do...don't touch a Rebel! They fear being taken back to the life they walked away from and they will kick and thamp and then walk all over you. Now think about it....is it worth your reputation. Do you really think anyone is going to believe a shoe with no Wearer could do that to you!
Thank you for letting me slip into your lives and remember the club motto of these Rebel Soles. "You can only feel like a Heel if you don't follow your Sole!" Until next time.....Good Night....Lil Shoehorn.

Love between a tomato and lettuce, must include Stephen King's line "like a chicken needs a flag".

Wilted Love By Curlyfro2

MARTY

So there she was, hanging out with Larry... Again. I swear she hung on his every word, batting her eyelashes like in the movies. I need him around like a chicken needs a flag, talk about a hindrance! He wasn't even witty. I thought girls like totally dug humor.
It seems like they have always been together. They live in the same area, see the same people day in and day out and never seem to get out anywhere else. I haven't actually been able to speak to her, but I know I have caught her eye a few times. At least when she sneaks a peek at the "cabbage patch" as Larry the lard ball calls it, I assume she looks for me. Why would she fall for me? Larry probably lies awake at night wondering. Well I am quite muscular and well....look at my curly locks, what's NOT to like! Next to her Larry looked like a...well...like a rotten tomato.
If she only knew how lonely it is having no parents, no siblings, no one to talk to about my feelings. Aren't women suppose to dig that stuff? Damsel in distress, blahh, that's so yesterday. Give them a man to take care of and make happy, they'll do back flips to fill the position. Well at least it is getting dark now so I won't have to watch them for too much longer. Look at them, getting all cozy like they are going to watch a movie. So gross it makes me queasy. I guess I will do without the compost tea martinis I was looking forward to tonight. GRRR...

POPPINS

Gee Whiz! Does it get any better than this? This morning Larry stopped by claiming he was "in the area" and if I wanted to walk Green Belly (his tomato worm) with him? Of course I had been primping all morning trying to hide my brown spots under concealer (it rained yesterday and before I was able to dry off, I got burned). Larry was kind enough to not mention it, though I caught him staring. Instead of walking Green Belly we sat in the shade and talked about our plans for the future. Larry thinks one day he will work for Heinz, which annoyed me. It's like slavery there. No one ever comes back, the family just gets a check in the mail, no letters, no Christmas cards. They can't even spell catsup. "Who wants to work for a place that can't spell catsup?" I asked him and he got all quiet. "What do you think is in all those bottles?" he asked. "Ouch!" I yelped, Green Belly had started chewing on my brown spots. He has never bit anyone before! Larry offered to take him home and we didn't speak anymore on Heinz. When we got back to his "plant"as he calls it, (I assume because his parents keep having children) he kissed me! Thinking back on it, it was sort of lousy, but a first kiss, how perfectly lovely! We then sat and watched the sun go down (I got a few more kisses which were much better) until I heard what I thought was thunder. My first thought was that I was going to look like grandmother by tomorrow morning with all the brown spots on my skin. Larry said it was nothing to be worried about, it was coming from the cabbage patch. I thought nothing more of it and fell asleep thinking about my Prince Charming.

MARTY

Another wonderful day. Woke up to see a billboard on Larry's "plant" stating "LARRY POPPINS FOREVER. Very clever if you're into nursery rhymes...and like... six. That medicine didn't settle like sugar with me, if you know what I mean. So when I saw Squirrely Sue hiding sunflower seeds nearby I asked her to take him out. Squirrely's not real bright to start with, last year she forgot about the acorns she "planted" and there are several trees sprouting haphazardly in the garden. So you know I was desperate employing her. Anyway, she tells me she has acid issues and can't handle tomatoes. The nerve. Unable to turn around I got to stare at that damn banner all day. But I plotted, oh yes. I plotted.

POPPINS

Oh!! I am so happy! We're getting married! I heard that thunder again all day, but now that I have a man I am not worried about the weather, I can let myself go. He's stuck with me now! giggle giggle. Now I must plan the nursery and pick out baby names and figure out how to get air conditioning and...

MARTY

Late Afternoon I finally got Tyson to come over. I flapped my arms for probably an hour before I caught his eye. Sometimes I think I am the only one in the whole wide garden that has any brains. So he comes over clucking like there's a fire in the hen house. "Discretion just flew out the window" I mumbled. I let him take a few chunks out of my arms before I casually mentioned there was a fat, juicy tomato worm over by that white flag-like thing, then I explained that the Beef Steak was no Richard Simmons himself. I prepared to sit back and watch the proceedings. What I would give for some popcorn right now, I settled for some sunflower seeds thinking if only Squirrely Sue had better taste.

POPPINS
I was on my way over to Larry's, we were planning music for the ceremony. I needed to talk him out of the McDonald's Big Mac song and was going to suggest something like The Safety Dance or Electric Avenue. I noticed the thunder had finally stopped. Our wedding day was going to be glorious, nothing but blue skies. My brown spots were growing at an alarming pace and I wondered if that was why Larry wanted to marry me so quickly, so our wedding pictures wouldn't portray me as a monster. I was beginning to smell a little ripe as well, I'd have to see if Larry will walk me to the herb garden to get some lavender. When I got to his place Green Belly lunged at me and then out of nowhere there was a chicken and...

MARTY

Holy @&%#*
That went all wrong. ALL WRONG. The only positive outcome was that she didn't suffer. She didn't have to see her loser Larry run off screaming like a little girl. He hasn't come back, word is he went off to work at Heinz. Who's the chicken now?
I am stuck here with my guilt until Tyson brings his brood over to finish the last assignment from me. I guess a chicken doesn't need a flag, they couldn't get it right regardless.


Do You Want Lettuce and Tomato with That? By Lamommasita

There was a large farm in the Midwest that had the richest, darkest, and most nutritious soil in the area. On this farm the best organic vegetables in the country were grown. Since no chemicals were used on the carrots, lettuce, cabbage, tomatoes, celery, beets, or radishes, there was a unique system used to fight pests.
Meet Sergent Leghorn, he was a very disciplined rooster that took his mission seriously. Sgt Leghorn was the strongest, largest, and loudest crowing rooster in those parts of the Midwest. During the winter months he trained his new recruits for their jobs in the summer. The young chickens learned all about the different bugs, worms, and moths as well as what they did to each plant. They learned all about the vegetables and learned how to protect each seedling. Not only would they rid the insects from the tender plants, but they would also cultivate the soil by scratching around each stem. This practice kept the dirt lose, which allowed the free movement of air and rain into the soil for the healthiest root system. They knew healthy roots made an extra healthy plant.
Finally the day arrived...the month of May brought the new seedlings through the rich soil with the warming sunshine and the soft spring rains rinsed the dirt from their tender leaves. Sgt. Leghorn stood on the highest fence post and crowed once. The young chicks ran to their positions. Like a chicken needs a flag to demand attention, Sgt Leghorn flapped his mighty wings and left out the most robust crow the young'ns had ever heard. They all knew their training was being tested on this morning and they better do their best. Off went the chicks to their jobs. The young plants were thrilled to have the pests removed from their tender leaves and the soil tilled around their delicate stems. The chicks were happy to have fresh bugs to eat instead of the same old mash they had during the winter months. What a great way to start the day with juicy appetizers to give them energy to work from sun up to sun down.
In one section of the huge field, the first row of tomatoes were next to the last row of lettuce. Usually this didn't happen on the farm, but this year the farmer was trying something new. A fence row had been removed between the two fields so the rich soil could be used for something productive. The fence had always been covered with weeds, which brought pests. That was a negative factor this farm could do without.
A month had passed and everything was wonderful on the farm. It was like paradise on earth. Sgt. Leghorn was pleased with his recruits and the recruits loved the fresh supplements and the exercise in the sun. The pest population was under control and the vegetables were free from biting bugs and worms. Everyone was smiling and happy...except for the first row of tomatoes.
The tomatoes were appalled! How dare they be planted next to such lowly plants. For heaven sakes they were TOMATOES! They had famous ancestors that gave their name pride and demanded respect. There was their great, great, great, great uncle who's fame came from being the winner of a photo shoot for the mega giant canning company. His face, or maybe his side, or... it could have been his behind, it's hard to tell when a tomato has his eyes closed, had been on the catsup bottle for five years. Then their great, great, great...you get the idea...Grannie was credited with the delectable dish known as Green Fried Tomatoes. She had rolled accidentally off the kitchen window ledge into a bowl of batter one breezy June day. She was a terrible swimmer, so when she reached out to save herself she felt the wooden spoon and shimmed up it. Well her eyes still had batter in them and she didn't know when to stop shimming. Grannie accidentally fell and this time into a hot frying pan. The rest is history. Anyhow, how could such name worthy plants be expected to have neighbors that were supposed to be on the other side of the fence. After all, the only thing lettuce was good for was rabbit fodder! The tomatoes were rude to the lettuce and turned all the maturing family members toward the row of tomatoes on the other side. They wanted them to associate with their own kind and learn the better things in life.
The last row of lettuce seriously didn't understand the cold shoulder treatment the tomatoes were displaying. They were growing where they were planted and wanted to be good to each other and their neighbors. Yes, they could hear the chatter the tomatoes were saying to each other about having "famous" ancestors. The lettuce respected them, but that was all in the past...this was the here and now. If anyone should be upset it really should have been the last row of lettuce. The only sunlight they got was in the morning hours. As the summer grew longer and the first row of tomatoes grew taller, they shaded the lettuce most of the afternoon. they also didn't get the rain they deserved since the tomatoes' root system was much larger than theirs. Some of the tomatoes' roots had grown in to the lettuces' row crowding our their delicate roots. To compensate, the lettuce learned to stretch out their ruffled leaves as tall as they could to catch all the sun rays in the morning and the dew overnight so they could store their much needed nutrients.
In the middle of the First Row was a new young tomato developing. He was still green behind the ears and hadn't been forced to move to the other side of the stem yet. His name was Peter and he spent most of his day just swinging on the vine by his little dark green cap. He didn't have a care in the world. He enjoyed watching the chickens at work, Sgt Leghorn's stately appearance on the tall fence post, the blue skies, the birds, and the pretty plants in front of him. Sometimes his thoughts would be interrupted by his older sisters and brothers talking with his parents about the disgusting lettuce, whatever that was! Their voices would sometimes become very loud and would frighten him. Then he would focus on the pretty ruffled leaves and enjoyed their calm ways.
Peter was also being watched by Pepper. She was a member of the Last Row and wondered if she would ever get tall enough to have a swing like her neighbor. One day Peter saw something wave in his direction. He looked around him and realized the wave was meant for him. "Hi" was the next thing he heard, so he waved back. Peter was a bit shy but was so excited that finally he had someone to talk with on these long days.
"What's your name?" he asked the pretty ruffled leaf.
"Oh my name is Pepper Bibb" she replied. "What's yours?"
"My name is Peter Big Boy!" Peter said with pride. Pepper burst into laughter and this made Peter cover himself with a near-by leaf.
"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you, please don't hide" she begged. "It's just that you haven't grown into your given name."
Peter came out from the leaf and smiled.And so their friendship began. They would spend their days talking about the things Peter could see since he was so tall. They told each other what they wanted to be when they reached their full potential. They would visit with the chickens and thank them everyday for their hard work and dedication to keeping them healthy. They had a wonderful time and looked forward to Sgt Leghorn's crow every morning. Even on rainy days they would still be together all day visiting.
One day Sgt Leghorn crowed the loudest anyone had every heard him crow and there was panic in his voice. He also had done this in the middle of a hot afternoon which had never happened before either. The recruits ran past Pepper and Peter, and when Peter asked what was going on one worried chick could only answer that he couldn't talk! Well, they didn't have to wait long to figure out that the panic was an approaching severe thunderstorm. The wind started blowing harder than they had ever felt. Peter wasn't trying to swing, but the wind was so strong that he couldn't help it. Pepper tried to curl up her leaf, but the wind kept unfolding her. Then the worse fear happened. The sky started hitting them with huge, hard balls of ice. Pepper yelled out in pain. One could hear the deafening screams from all the vegetables suffering from the ripping, bruising, and pounding of the hail. Peter called out to Pepper, but she couldn't hear him from all the noise the thunderstorm was producing with its lightening, wind, and thunder. It seemed as if the violent torture lasted for hours, but the storm passed in a matter of minutes and the hail only lasted seconds. The damage was devastating and would last in their hearts forever.
Peter was brought to consignee's with the mighty crow of Sgt. Leghorn. Peter felt the warmth of the hot summer sun and was pleased the storm was over. Then his eyes took in the damage and heard the moaning of all the hurt vegetables. Peter became very worried. Where was Pepper? He couldn't find her. There were fallen tomato plants where she once stood. Peter looked closer and realized that some of the tomatoes battered on the ground were some of his brothers and sisters. They were cut, bruised, and crying out in pain. Peter began to cry. He was scared. Where were his parents? Where was Pepper? How could he help his family? The world Peter knew seemed to wake up slowly before his eyes. He heard the chickens working their way through the rows calling out that help was on the way. He saw the Last Row coming to life and helping his relatives with their cuts and discomforts. Then he heard Pepper call out his name.
"Pepper I'm here, I'm fine. Where are you? are you OK?" Panic and happy, Peter shouted.
Her voice was weak, but Pepper replied in a giggle, "I'm fine, but I am not strong enough to get this heavy stuff off of me...are any of these guys related to you?"
Peter was relieved she was well and still had her sweet, positive personality. Just then he realized he really cared for Pepper. His heart would have been broken if something had happened to her. She was very much a part of his life. Everyday he had spent with her he had grown to love her smile, the sound of her voice, her beautiful, ruffled, light, green leaf. He felt his heart jump. That's what he would do...when this turmoil was over he would announce to his parents he would marry Pepper. Parents...Where was his father and mother and the rest of his family? He knew Pepper was fine and told her that help was on the way.
Now he needed to check on his own family. He called out their names and called to fellow tomato vines. It took some time, but he was able to account for everyone. The truth was one of his uncles had fallen on Pepper. The hail was hitting him so hard he tried to bend away from the pelting and uprooted himself. This caused him to topple over in the forbidden Last Row. Thank heaven he had landed on the lettuce. Their fluffy leaves helped cover his family from the harmful hail and not one child was damaged. They were a little shaken, but fine. Help had finally arrived. Sgt Leghorn was leading the way and a tractor engine could be heard in the background. The Sergent with the help of his team showed the Farmer where the help was needed. The Farmer heeled Peter's uncle back into the ground and straightened his leaves. He also did this to Peter's parents so they were standing tall once again. The chickens rolled the fallen tomatoes to the end of the row where hired hands loaded them into crates for market if they weren't too badly damaged.
With all this hustle and bustle, Peter hadn't noticed Pepper's family and Pepper until Sgt Leghorn stood near the Farmer as he knelt down to the Last Row. There was Pepper's grandmother and grandfather, torn to shreds from protecting his uncle's family. They had used their entire bodies to shield the tomatoes. Pepper was sobbing as was the entire crop of lettuce. Peter had never seen such sadness.
It took about a week for the vegetables to recover and begin to mend. The sunshine helped give them strength and the chickens did their best to brighten the vegetables' spirits each day. Peter and Pepper were again visiting all day and Peter told her how much she meant to him. Pepper smiled through her bent leaf, which promised to heal soon. "Look at her", Peter thought to himself. "She is beautiful from the inside out."
Peter decided to tell his parents, now that everyone had calmed down from the ordeal, that he was going to marry Pepper. He was stunned by their reaction. Peter's father almost bust a vine in anger. He couldn't believe his son was going to marry a low leaf and bring such shame to their family. How could his son want to marry animal food instead of people food. Peter's father accused him of being out in the sun too much and that he couldn't think straight. There was NO way his son would be allowed to talk with the Last Row again. Peter was shocked. He hung there for a minute and then it all came clear to him. Pepper and her family had been the topic his family was aways talking about cruelly. How had he not known this? The more Peter thought, the redder he became. He burst out in a voice he had never known he had.
"Father, you have no idea what you are talking about. Pepper and her relatives are very kind, gentle and have never said an unkind word about your arrogance and lack of manners. Pepper lost her grandparents because they sheltered Uncle Romano's family from the hail. You think they aren't worthy like you, but they make lots of meals that tomatoes aren't even invited to, like wilted lettuce and some wrapped sandwiches. AND did you ever think that they are in the First Row of lettuce and you are in the Last Row of tomatoes?"
Everyone was still...even the lettuce stopped moving around. Peter's voice had been so loud that Sgt Leghorn stood at attention. Then Peter turned towards Pepper. "Pepper, I'm sorry for my family's narrow-mindedness. I love you and would love to spend the rest of my life with you, if you will have me." To everyones amazement Pepper turned a shade of red and nodded her bent leaf yes!
That's right, those two became inseperatable after that. Yes that very day started the well known line...do you want Lettuce and Tomato with that?